9/23/12

EMERALDS is a poem about insecure places that have no rights in older age...the past is past and so very, very, very far away...but the green eyed pirate is still alive and winks....

EMERALDS

It was her full lips
and the way she called you Babe
and I (never jealous before this)
felt the green seep into my bones
harden like emeralds
that you never gave me
but you two made love
over and over and it's long past
Turn around and look into
some other mirror
her eyes tell you of passions past
mine: of no passions at all
Emeralds worth nothing
like diamonds in Russia
where the meteor made them
mute and hard and cold
and not like Love
at all

9/21/12

AS A DIAMOND PLANET is lyrics to a Love Song...inspired by space travel...whatever that really means to be....

AS A DIAMOND PLANET

Somewhere there's a Planet that's a Diamond
And Everywhere there's more Stars than we see
You and I are Small Lights in this Time and Space
Yet we want to be What We Can Be

You are still a Child of my sweet Childhood
You are still a Love that Moves my Heart
I guess I could Live a bit without You
Still: We don't expect ever to part

You are my Star
Warm as a Star
Without You: no Light
And I'm a Moon
In your Dark Night

Somewhere there's a Galaxy imploding
Explosions happen every single day
Our own Star is confusing Space with Fire
Our own Beings are persuaded on Its Way

You are still a Boy who Brings my Heart Joy
You are still the Rhythm of my Soul
I suppose this Lifetime was our Journey
All I really know is: Now We're Whole

You are my Star
Warm as a Star
Without You: no Light
And I'm a Moon
In your Dark Night

Somewhere some Black Hole is still escaping
Into Energy that has No End
Our Good Star is staying with its Magnets
Giving us No Chance for Love to end

You are still the Kid who Jokes and I Laugh
You are so One Reason for our Way
I believe We are Meant for Each Other
And we Live this through most Every Day

You are my Star
Warm as a Star
Without You: no Light
And I'm a Moon
In your Dark Night

POEM FOR THE ENDEAVOUR AS IT PASSED OVER THE BAY AREA PIGGY-BACKED ON ITS 747 ON THE LAST DAY OF SUMMER is...a poem - reflecting, as Den says: the Human Element of HOPE....

POEM FOR THE ENDEAVOUR AS IT PASSED OVER THE BAY AREA PIGGY-BACKED ON ITS 747 ON THE LAST DAY OF SUMMER

last day of summer and the space ship went over the water
then over our very towns and we thought about its wings
and we clapped our hands and thought about where it had
been and we clapped our hands because we were on this
pier out in the water watching the space ship go over
and our shoes nailed to the pier to remind that we were
not of the same stuff as the space ship above us which
cost more just to move to its final resting place than most
all of us would ever make in a lifetime and we thought about
how the unborn are like space ships floating around in space
and then they come and are glued to this earth with the same
stick-um as the rest of us plodding along most of us never or
at least rarely in the sky much less out of the miles of atmosphere
and what a bubble it is that holds us down even this space ship
now is bound to the earth and we can see it in its very own
exhibited place on this planet a piece of history just as we are
all pieces of history and each of us having a space to be within
under the same seemingly eternal sun and verily even the stars

9/20/12

MAGIC IS COMING is a lyrics that is more a Mantra...a silent inner chant of a prayer for Good Health and a Good Home and Good Times for us for years and years and years and years and....

MAGIC IS COMING

All along
Magic is Coming
Magic is Coming
to our lives
All along
We are in so much
Love the Magic is
Coming
to our lives

We are so golden
Home is forever
Where ever we are
We are Home and are
Ever we're Home
and we never
Need anything else
but the Other
from where all the
Magic is coming

Repeat First Verse

Repeat Second Verse

Repeat First Verse

9/17/12

THE ABYSS IS JUST AS BLINDING AS THE SUN was written in response to this line from composer Bonnie Neve, a former student of mine....this is her line...and it haunts....

THE ABYSS IS JUST AS BLINDING AS THE SUN

and I can feel its weight upon me
sing the songs that mermaids sing
while mermen sleep like drones beneath the
wilderness of sea

the sky is only mirror reflexion
of the deeps where this soul travels
all the heaviness of water
is my shield and is my armor

sing beside me wonder man child
you have fins and gills to breathe through
you can swim and flick your tail at
any lightning in this sea

in this wildness windless sea
while the sun comes filtered down
yellow browns and greens and grays
and sometimes gold into this sea

I won't leave - the sun is sharper
than a knife turn in this water
water then to me is home and not
the air when I have sea

take my cold hands filled with life
the ocean is intense with living
also moves in streams of dying just
the nature of the sea

the abyss is just as blinding as the sun
as strong as loving and as longing
for our souls our very spirits locked
for once for twice in sea
all ways locked into the sea



THE THIRD HUSBAND is about what the third husband can be like. this is one. any resemblance to all the people living and dead involved in my life is simply reality as I see it. which is not like anyone else sees it at all. of course. here's the record tho... fiction persists. prevails... so it always goes....

THE THIRD HUSBAND

Jennie was most mad when she thought ever about her third husband. somehow, he always got short shrift with her, on account of her many small but clear angers about how he was as a person when he was with her. first off of course: his tellin' lies. he told many lies. now - you could say he was a pretty good soul. he was a pretty good soul. It was harder and harder to remember him though. on account of anger. and the Void that comes when you're lookin' back. just too much isn't there anymore - where memories should be....

anyways...they had met through a woman who was a good friend of Jennie's - because her boyfriend at the time was his 'best friend'...he wasn't some one her friend liked - not really - because he lied to his girfriends about how he had other girlfriends. plus: he had given his regular girlfriend an STD that he got from the other girlfriend who was diabetic too. so she had infections all the time. and still these two ladies loved the guy. because he could be so sexual and kind and was a loyal friend. just not a loyal lover. plus: he was going bankrupt for a lotta, lotta money because of being not responsible. Jennie had decided at that time that she wasn't interested - on account of all these pretty obvious defects. but his 'best friend' who was going with her friend: he told her that he was a great guy who wasn't perfect and all - but that he was so loyal and would give you the shirt off his back and all. so she was getting more interested. besides: the guy she was going with was gettin' really strange and neurotic and hinting that she should leave and all and wouldn't even kiss her goodnight anymore.  so she started being more interested. he was Really Interested in her as well - very much more than she was of him. he was a player - that one - so there was some drama and stuff going on....

Jenn was writing her book at her friend's house on her friend's computer and he was painting the house. he'd come in and stand over her watching and just being sexy. finally he asked her to have lunch. he brought it and it was really good with over-ripe fruit dripping from his fingers and she was falling. they went to bed then - which she hadn't in a long time - so that was great! soon he was asking her here and there and her guy didn't care so she went. they went up to a log cabin house he owned with a friend and it was all romantic. then he told her he loved her and to move out. so she did. there was no reason to stay with the old boyfriend. they moved into an old house that her friend's boyfriend was redoing from top to bottom and were living right away all romantic in these shambles of a living situatiion. it was very romantic and all.

they both felt that they had finally met somebody who would really work out. this was inspite of the facts that he also smoked a Lot of Weed and drank a Lot socially and had been a Womanizer all his days. Jennie ignored that stuff because it was clear he was gonna settle down now on account of his being so in love with her - which he was - and just being older...she was way into her later fifties and he was in his way later 60s so they had been around and all. they would settle down good. their families of kids and grandkids seemed to like them well-enough and they were both pretty great with kids so that was no problem. they decided to get married. being Jewish, he proposed on Chunika Night Eight with a ring with eight little diamonds they had picked out together. everybody was happy for them....

They got married that next July in a Jewish/mixed ceremony with a Rabi and everything with a hundred people there all happy for them because they were so obviously in love. it was on a mountain side and everyone had a lot of good food and played games on the grass and even went swimming in the pool so it was a fun wedding besides. only her old boyfriend sent a spy there because he was stalking her and he did that for about four years. only that wasn't too bad...they were living in a little one room apartment with a big wonderful garden outside - everyone came to their parties and to their dinners and stuff and thought they were pretty darling. they went to Hawaii to stay with her friend and his 'best friend' there for a couple of weeks for their honeymoon too - so they were having a good time in every way - with the house up in the mountains and traveling around and all...

then - of course - 'problems' began. he started having heart problems and prostate problems. in their marriage he had two big prostate surgeries and an open heart surgery with valve repair and procedures to get rid of malfunctioning heart rhythms. she took care of him after everything - after the zapping cardioversions and keeping track of all the medications and stuff...he had always contributed to their income by part-time house painting work and now the jobs got less because he was sick a lot. he'd blame her for not letting him work full-time - but really it was him. he made lots more mistakes and couldn't work fast anymore. he never had worked 'fast' actually. she had more and more heart problems herself and had a procedure too and then her back was getting worse from messed up veribrae and arthritis and all. they were kind-of not doing so well. and they had to move again. they were lucky about his though. they rented a little two room place with a big deck high in the hills overlooking the whold bay - which was beautiful. every one loved to come up and visit them there. so the parties went on....

Jennie's Mom died and left some money, so they bought themselves decent cars and a boat to take out on the delta and then they decided - since the agreement about the house up in the Sierra had fallen apart badly - to use the rest to travel...so they spent most of the rest on going to the midwest to see folks and then to go to Europe for eight weeks...they went to seven countries and sixteen towns or cities and had a truly great time...only it was exhausting for her since their hearts were still not good and she had to take care of everything. that kind of started to become a theme - that beside some cooking and shopping: Jennie was taking care of just everything. it was hard to figure out what - including in the money department - he was doing at all...and then they had to move again. he had argued with the landlord and they were thrown out is really what happened. Jennie started to feel Fate pouring in like a wound in a dam.....

they still had luck. a friend found them a good apartment and it was close to her work still - Jennie taught school and had changed jobs during this marriage too...opening a school with her son now...she always worked hard - that was a fact - only now she was more and more tired. the move to the 'new' apartment took the last of her health and vitality from her. she dragged herself up the twenty-two steps to the apartment after school and slept a lot and everything hurt in her body - especially her lower back and her hips. she just about gave up. plus, nine people she knew all died within a coupld of years - some of them had been very, very close: so that was bad. she wanted something new to happen and soon!

Jennie started writing in the evenings...lots and lots of writing...some out there to others - even from her past...one who responded was her old boyfriend from highschool...who was very welcome in his communications back to her...they started writing on computer more and more - all in the open for everyone to see...but some thought her too bold and her husband was not happy. about four months into her writing and communications and all: he left her. he insisted she had wrecked their marriage by having no sex during the times she was in pain. he said she was in love with her old boyfriend - who lived thousands of miles away and was married - and that she was going to leave him - her husband - so he was going to leave first...
then it suddenly came out of the woodwork that he had tried very hard to have affairs in the last four years of their marriage and that he was having one with his old girlfriend right then and there. so Jennie let him go without a whimper. frankly: she felt more relief than she had ever thought she would. Life had surely changed. and then too: her old boyfriend now got really interested...in a couple of months she was going to visit him regularly and then he visitied her and then he moved out. they both got divorced and began to live happily every after. and that's really what happened.

her daughter still sees her ex now and again. his heart isn't too good, still, and he will probably die before he wants to. we all do. Jennie herself has never seen him again. she thinks of him now and again. his whole family dropped her and a lot of his friends too - she has always been hurt by that: because she is sure the whole thing was not her fault. but it made no difference. she lost them anyway. maybe she never really had them as family and friends in those nine years they were together. maybe. but probably not...nine years is a long time and is not a long time. time goes on. she would have taken care of him until he died. or until she died. but there you have it. it didn't happen this way. things often don't happen the way you expect. Jennie didn't expect that much anymore. it was good though. life was very cool now. very nice. Life had often been nice to her...Life was good again. they were happy. she had been happy before and was again...so it all goes....



9/5/12

SINGIN' ME OUTTA HELL is Lyrics about what Den McCue is in my Life...among other virtues and vices!....

SINGIN' ME OUTTA HELL

Sittin' by my side playin' good old fashioned folk tunes
Like the kind we used to sing so long ago
The Banjo sings of  Summertimes the Guitar of the Autumns
An' Spring is in my Dance in Gentle Sway
I'm Waltzing out past Winter on its way

Give me a Heart Song and a Kind Song
Give me that Love Song you know well
I got Heaven here beside you
You just strum me up from Hell
You got Heaven here inside you
You just sing me outta Hell

Sittin by my side just strummin' lively great old time tunes
The sort we used to think were Sweet so long ago
The Banjo crys for Better Times the Guitar of the Lovin' Times
An' Youngness is the Lyrics that they say
An' Older Times the Songs that mark the day

Give me a Heart Song and a Kind Song
Give me that Love Song you know well
I got Heaven here beside you
You just strum me up from Hell
You got Heaven here inside you
You just Sing me outta Hell

Sittin by my side just singin' from your Heart
Givin'  me that Heart I know so well
The Banjo strums The Guitar Strums of all this Love inside us
An' Lifetime is the words we try to Sing
An' Singin' is the Heart of Everything

Give me a Heart Song and a Kind Song
Give me that Love Song you know well
I got Heaven here beside you
Your just strum me up from hell
You got Heaven here inside you
You just Sing me outta Hell

9/1/12

UNCERTAIN TIMES is about the 'moves' comin' up about home and location and 'work' in our lives right now...where little is known right now...maybe ever....

UNCERTAIN TIMES

Filled with a Future forever is lonely
Filled with a Past that is over and gone
Can't find the Faith tho the Hope is still bornin'
Can't find the Courage altho there is Song

And we're fallin' yes we're fallin'
I'm not gonna come home and you've long been away
And we're fallin' yes we're fallin'
Love is still Some Answer is all I can say
I love you still - that's all I'll say

Not used to House where a Home sure right should be
A Basin of Water a Big Earthen Jar
Right in our Back Yard where a Sinkhole falls freely
And you are who you are - yeah, you are

And we're fallin' yes we're fallin'
I'm not gonna leave home tho you've been long away
And we're fallin' yes we're fallin'
Love is still Some Question is all I can say
I love you still - that's what I'll say

Goin' to lead and I'm goin' to follow
Follow where ever the roads seem to go
Oh I ain't gonin' too fast but I'm gonna go steady
I am who I am - and I'm like to move slow

And we're fallin' yes we're fallin'
We're far from our home and we're goin' away
And we're fallin' yes we're fallin'
Love is Some Home is just all I can say
We're still in Love - that is all I can say