CAN'T FLIP IT SO I'M WALKIN' TOWARD HOME
CHORUS
I was walkin' heavy I was walkin' light
Never saw the dawn and never dreamed all night
You're a rock-n-roll man - I can't hold your hand -
I can't flip it so I'm walkin' toward home....
____________________
You been in cowboy boots all shinin' black and gold
We did the two-step tight out on that old dance floor -
You wore that western belt - your eyes were blue and cold...
I just can't flip it so I'm walkin' toward....
If I just had a twang, I'd sing that country song:
I'd sing it loud as thunder - bring the storm on, too...
I'd sing lost love and us: scream it all night long...
I just can't flip it so I'm walkin' toward....
_____________________
CHORUS
_____________________
You said you'd be my friend - and yep, my lover too...
Held me sweet and close - I thought I'd surely weep...
Over my shoulder you were makin' moves untrue -
I just can't flip it so I'm walkin' toward....
Go on and leave me - ain't waitin' anyway...
Got new stuff goin' on and tho I cannot sleep -
I got to think a bit before I have my say...
I just can't flip it so I'm walkin' toward....
_______________________
CHORUS
_______________________
Ain't been a groupy yet - don't think I'll ever be...
You're not no big star yet and baby, you don't shine...
And anyways, you wern't that kind to me...
I just can't flip it so I'm walkin' toward....
When I make this scene big, you'll see my name in lights...
Don't try to find me babe - I won't pick up that call...
You weren't for me and you ain't got no right...
And I can't flip it so I'm walkin toward home....
________________________
CHORUS
_______________
1/30/12
CAN'T FLIP IT SO I'M WALKIN' TOWARD HOME are LYRICS inspired by Hope Savage and Deb Kuhl Wendt havin' a bit of a conversation of post and comment on FB....just came to mind and head and heart and out it came....dedicated to these two Ladies - two of my favorite Singers/Performers of all time ever, for me....
1/22/12
PEACE LIKE A LAKE continued: PART TWO is the resolution of Horror...Time moves on...the Holy Ground takes care of everything....
PEACE LIKE A LAKE continued: PART TWO
By Ronnie June's account: Dad had not said a word. not made a sound. he had just gone after her. eyes all hard and cold: beating her up. trying to kill her: that's how it had felt to her: like he was trying - really hard - to kill her.
finally she had wrenched the oar out of his hands. she had beat at him right back. they had both been bloody messes. then the boat tipped over from all their exertions. everything fell out. the boat was upside down. they both got out. started to try to kill each other some more. pushing each other's heads under the water. never saying a word. never shouting out for help. just two animals intent on killing.
She was younger. so she won. she drowned him. she dragged him and herself to the shore. left him lying there. went back out and retrieved stuff floating around. not thinking. just pulling stuff in. then... still not thinking. just doing. she buried him deep in the sand. maybe four feet under. shovelling with the oar. she buried all the fishing gear and everything in the boat with him. covered it all over carefully. left the boat upside down. walked away....
She walked all the way to the farm community where the Country Fair was. she went straight to the minister of the small church in town. she asked for sanctuary. he gave her sanctuary for some reason all his own. he was old. is dead now. so couldn't confirm that part... her face was so misshaped from the blows. no one actually recognized her when the pictures came out in the papers. besides: those pictures were of a young woman... Ronnie June's hair had gone all white as snow. her nose was crooked. and she put on weight fast as the minister's 'new housekeeper'.
A widower in town with a couple of kids took a shine to the nice middle-aged housekeeper at the minister's home. she was so quiet and sweet and kind: he married her. she was a good wife and a great step-mom for the kids. she never talked about her past... and he was not the kind of man to ask or to care....
the only person she ever told the story to was the minister. and he was bound by sanctuary traditions: he believed her besides. she never showed a moment's anger or any violence or even close: she was just so sad... so he believed her. gave her another chance to be a human: which she took. and never looked back.
she herself came to the lake and showed the police where Dad was buried. nothing but bones now. of course. and all the stuff from the boat rotting away. she wasn't upset to see the lake... but she didn't watch the digging-up. the forensics guys confirmed what part of her story they could. the investigators were stumped: there was lots of press and discussion and legal matters: Rae Anne was pushing for conviction... her kids didn't care - nor her ex-husband of course... nor their Mom - who didn't seem to register what was going on at all.... Ronnie June's husband had always known her as Elizabeth: he went into such shock that he could relate at all. he just waited for life to get back to normal... which it did. no surprise, when you think of it....
self defense and mental shock: that's what it all came down to... he was gone: so the story stuck with no rebuttal at all... the dead sometimes speak through evidence and all. but not Dad. not a word. just like he had died. trying to kill his own daughter. without a word. if that's what happened....
Ronnie June lived out her life as Elizabeth. she had no troubles in her town or with her husband. she never said a cross word or did one weird thing - not ever... her step-kids actually were devoted to her. she had never let them down.... Rae Anne died a drunk well before old age could claim her. no one but her kids came to her funeral.... Mom died alone. didn't even know she was alone.... One hundred people came to Elizabeth's funeral: she was well-known in her little town. well-liked.
the lake built up the legend: somehow it drew people to it again. they dredged it once more to open it up for stock fishing. there was some commotion over whether any other clues to The Death would be found. none were... People started fishing again. old cabins around the lake were bought for a song. fixed-up real nice. everyone told the story to people who were new to the lake: real spooky. that's what newcomers would say. then they'd go out and fish the well-stocked waters.... real peaceful now: that's what they would add... every one grew to love the lake again. like all living things, the lake came alive again... because of being loved....
the lake has a name now: Peaceful Lake is it's name. a little town is building up not far from it. due to good farming soil in the area. everybody always comments on it: how peaceful a lake it is. how the fishing is so good. has a strange story about it: upsetting... happened long ago. long ago....
everyone who was involved in the story is dead tho... may they all rest in peace...
Peace like a Lake....
By Ronnie June's account: Dad had not said a word. not made a sound. he had just gone after her. eyes all hard and cold: beating her up. trying to kill her: that's how it had felt to her: like he was trying - really hard - to kill her.
finally she had wrenched the oar out of his hands. she had beat at him right back. they had both been bloody messes. then the boat tipped over from all their exertions. everything fell out. the boat was upside down. they both got out. started to try to kill each other some more. pushing each other's heads under the water. never saying a word. never shouting out for help. just two animals intent on killing.
She was younger. so she won. she drowned him. she dragged him and herself to the shore. left him lying there. went back out and retrieved stuff floating around. not thinking. just pulling stuff in. then... still not thinking. just doing. she buried him deep in the sand. maybe four feet under. shovelling with the oar. she buried all the fishing gear and everything in the boat with him. covered it all over carefully. left the boat upside down. walked away....
She walked all the way to the farm community where the Country Fair was. she went straight to the minister of the small church in town. she asked for sanctuary. he gave her sanctuary for some reason all his own. he was old. is dead now. so couldn't confirm that part... her face was so misshaped from the blows. no one actually recognized her when the pictures came out in the papers. besides: those pictures were of a young woman... Ronnie June's hair had gone all white as snow. her nose was crooked. and she put on weight fast as the minister's 'new housekeeper'.
A widower in town with a couple of kids took a shine to the nice middle-aged housekeeper at the minister's home. she was so quiet and sweet and kind: he married her. she was a good wife and a great step-mom for the kids. she never talked about her past... and he was not the kind of man to ask or to care....
the only person she ever told the story to was the minister. and he was bound by sanctuary traditions: he believed her besides. she never showed a moment's anger or any violence or even close: she was just so sad... so he believed her. gave her another chance to be a human: which she took. and never looked back.
she herself came to the lake and showed the police where Dad was buried. nothing but bones now. of course. and all the stuff from the boat rotting away. she wasn't upset to see the lake... but she didn't watch the digging-up. the forensics guys confirmed what part of her story they could. the investigators were stumped: there was lots of press and discussion and legal matters: Rae Anne was pushing for conviction... her kids didn't care - nor her ex-husband of course... nor their Mom - who didn't seem to register what was going on at all.... Ronnie June's husband had always known her as Elizabeth: he went into such shock that he could relate at all. he just waited for life to get back to normal... which it did. no surprise, when you think of it....
self defense and mental shock: that's what it all came down to... he was gone: so the story stuck with no rebuttal at all... the dead sometimes speak through evidence and all. but not Dad. not a word. just like he had died. trying to kill his own daughter. without a word. if that's what happened....
Ronnie June lived out her life as Elizabeth. she had no troubles in her town or with her husband. she never said a cross word or did one weird thing - not ever... her step-kids actually were devoted to her. she had never let them down.... Rae Anne died a drunk well before old age could claim her. no one but her kids came to her funeral.... Mom died alone. didn't even know she was alone.... One hundred people came to Elizabeth's funeral: she was well-known in her little town. well-liked.
the lake built up the legend: somehow it drew people to it again. they dredged it once more to open it up for stock fishing. there was some commotion over whether any other clues to The Death would be found. none were... People started fishing again. old cabins around the lake were bought for a song. fixed-up real nice. everyone told the story to people who were new to the lake: real spooky. that's what newcomers would say. then they'd go out and fish the well-stocked waters.... real peaceful now: that's what they would add... every one grew to love the lake again. like all living things, the lake came alive again... because of being loved....
the lake has a name now: Peaceful Lake is it's name. a little town is building up not far from it. due to good farming soil in the area. everybody always comments on it: how peaceful a lake it is. how the fishing is so good. has a strange story about it: upsetting... happened long ago. long ago....
everyone who was involved in the story is dead tho... may they all rest in peace...
Peace like a Lake....
PEACE LIKE A LAKE is the First Part of a Horror Story...the kind of Human Story that is so fictional that it seems more real than fiction usually can ever be...it is a short story that builds on the Dark Side of my own 'Force', I suppose...sigh....Part Two will follow as the night follows day....
PEACE LIKE A LAKE: PART ONE
This is actually a horror story. a really horrible story. you just never know who's going to run away with their lives and never really come back to live among us ordinary people. you just never know. it's not always who you think it's going to be: hard to tell...
When she was a kid, Dad took them all to lakes for vacations...he was happiest on still-water fishing...fishing was his thing. then golf. his two daughters were not sons. so he tried to make them sons. his oldest daughter loved her Daddy. she'd go fishing with him. she tried to play golf. but she had a terrible right hook. due to some congenital defect: no depth perception on the right. the youngest of the two was a tomboy. but she and their dad didn't get along much at all. it was too bad - since she could have been a good fisherman and played golf too. but she didn't: because they just didn't get along. there are just patterns that happen in every life that just don't change as they should or even could. so they grew up very differently... tho they were only two years apart in age.
The older girl, who was Rae Anne, went fishing more and more with their Dad and the younger girl, Ronnie June went less and less into the boat. then Rae Anne went out more and more with other kids who went fishing or out in boats on the lake. and Ronnie June was left behind. finally, Rae Anne went out with her dates onto the lake and then one of those guys became a fiancee and then a husband and then they had children...so on and on....but more happened because of Ronnie June still being with the family all the time. on the lake.
The lake was the source of everything, really. all the happiness and unhappiness of the family centered on the lake. the golf course was next to the lake. Mom and Dad were out there every morning for the early tee-offs. then they were out in the boat. five miles an hour out onto the lake. once. twice a day. fishing. every body was out there fishing. Rae Anne, as I said...then her friends, her own family. the lake was the lodestone of vacations. but it was also the metaphor of the spirit of the whole family: both Mom's and Dad's family - and then Rae Anne's family. only Ronnie June was left out of the loop. they were all grown up now, and she was still feeling out of the metaphor. and she was starting to hate the lake.. really.
The lake was smaller than when they had been children for one thing. another was that Ronnie June was lonely. she didn't have friends at the lake ever. she didn't have her own family to bring to the lake. she was OK about Mom - but not too hot about Dad. she didn't like to take the boat out...not at all. she swam in the lake. but not with the others. all in all not good for the family. and not that great for her either. she had a time when was anorexic. then bulimic. pretty pathetic stuff. and so thin. with bad teeth and all. ulcers. hospitals. very silent person. didn't match the family. she was nothing to joke about... that's for sure.
Rae Anne was the complete opposite. full of life - her little kids and her charming husband as well. prince charming for sure. they were just night and day: and Ronnie June got to hear about that just forever. she started to drink. she would take the boat out now. sit under willows overhanging the lake. drink. pee over the side of the boat like their dad had taught them to do as kids... but she was a woman now - tho she was a stick of a woman. it wasn't right: every one felt sorry for her. and for the family. having to support a grown woman - on account of she had flunked out of every school since high school. and never had held down one single job. and had not one friend - unless they were a drifter. or a loser like her.
you might be thinking I'm pretty hard on her. couldn't be that bad. but I only knew half of it... later on, after she was dead. (bet you saw that one coming. but hold on. not there yet), Rae Anne let on and let out lots and lots of stories that would literally make your hair curl. about Ronnie sleep-walking with knives. cutting herself in the tub more than once. taking sleeping pills to try to die. taking Aspirin to try to die. going after her own father with his own gun. which was not loaded - thank god. that family had been through too much with that daughter-number-two. I'm just saying... they tried to get her to go for help. had her under observation a couple of times. but they always sent her home... and the family had her only home....
It got so no one wanted her up at the lake. not a soul. and the family needed some time away from all her horrible dramas and sullen ways. so they'd leave her to 'house-sit' back home. go up to the lake without her. things were better for awhile. then the you-know-what hit the fan:
It was August. hot, hot, hot. heavy with rain. heavy with wet. muggy, muggy wet. no breezes on the lake even. still. still as a graveyard in snow. she was with them this time. on account of there was no air conditioning in the house: it had given-out in over-use on these dog-days. they were afraid she'd go crazy and burn the place down from the heat. so every one was sullen now. not just her. no body even talked except for needing something. every one just lay around panting like old dogs in the sun. finally evenings would come. it would cool a little. out into or on to the lake every one went. and didn't come off the lake until night when the fireflies were lighting the way home.
Rae Anne's kids were whining about the heat. her husband wasn't trying to cheer anybody up for a change. Dad was looking peaked. Mom was banging around pots and pans. complaining that no one was eating anything anyway. so why was she getting herself all hot and hotter cooking in the damn kitchen? good question... Ronnie June was sitting on the sleeping porch. staring into nothing through the screens. in the dank shade of the old trees. Dad decided to go out onto the lake of course. his answer to everything... for some ungodly reason. he told Ronnie June to come with him. no one to this day knows why. and why she just stood up and went. usually she would have just said no. not even no thanks... but she just got up and went. no one said a word of protest or surprise...
Dad pumped up the old bitsy engine. Ronnie June sat in the bow. sullen. quiet. Dad didn't talk either. neither shouted a goodbye or anything. they just went off.
The kind of bad ending you expect came:it got near evening. they didn't come back. then it was getting dark. Rae Anne's husband went out in the canoe to look for them. he came back shouting and all grim. he had found the boat. upside down in the still lake. not a sign of them anywhere.
they were both good swimmers. there was nothing wrong with the boat. there had been no flares - and there were flares: in floating packets. so they could have set one off... and where were they anyway? not a body in sight. alive. or dead.
divers went in that very night. and the next morning. the sweeper boats went out and dredged the whole lake where they could reach. nothing: not a piece of cloth. not a fishing pole. nothing. investigations and searches went on for months. it was a really horrible mystery: no one knew what to think. what to say. a whole year went by....
The family was no good at this: they were meant for being ordinary. and usually happy. except for all the Ronnie June business, which had plagued them so - for so many years. it was a terrible relief not to have her around. but no one would say that out loud, of course. Dad was another story. he and the lake were the cornerstones of their lives. without him, and without the lake: nothing to hold. nothing to hold them together.
Rae Anne and her husband divorced. he couldn't take the stress of her endless misery. he got custody of their kids. they would visit with her on weekends. over time they saw her less. it was hard for her to cope with them, even that couple of days a week. Mom got just about catatonic. she had to go to a nursing home: a facility for mental illness. she just wasn't functioning one whit..even the lake got empty. people were a lot spooked by the whole incident. the lake silted over quite a bit. which actually made better fishing - for some reason... so men came to fish there from the shore line. did pretty well....
I think about twenty years went by: then some unusual events happened. brought the whole mystery up into the light again. like from the bottom of the lake - but not that gruesome...
Some one who went to the city about fifty miles away: saw Ronnie June. or thought they saw her. gray hair - but otherwise looked a lot like her. with a family of older kids. nice-looking husband. walking down the street... on impluse, called out Ronnie June's name: the woman turned and looked at her: she thought the woman looked shocked and surprised and scared - all at once... then she turned and walked away down the street... there was much speculation about this sighting: then it died down....
Then some one else said they saw her just about thirty miles away at the County Fair -:in the Preserving Building. competing in the Jams and Jellies section of the stalls. said her name: same thing in reply. but this time he was bold. he went up and spoke: your family fell apart. you must know that. where did you go? what happened? the woman just spoke back grim. almost angry: none of your business - and then left the building quickly....
Now the whole town was into this. especially Rae Anne. she wanted to know for sure: if this was her sister. what had happened so long ago. and especially what had happened to Dad. where was he? the police were brought back in. the investigation began again.
naturally, it was Ronnie June. the story took a lot longer to find out tho. and to get confirmed. to settle every body down. somehow. some way...
According to Ronnie June. Dad had tried to kill her. he had hit her lots of times over the head with the boat oar. on board in case the engine failed. she had tried to defend herself. threw stuff at him. hit him back. but he kept on coming. he kept calling her The Bad Seed and worse...
This is actually a horror story. a really horrible story. you just never know who's going to run away with their lives and never really come back to live among us ordinary people. you just never know. it's not always who you think it's going to be: hard to tell...
When she was a kid, Dad took them all to lakes for vacations...he was happiest on still-water fishing...fishing was his thing. then golf. his two daughters were not sons. so he tried to make them sons. his oldest daughter loved her Daddy. she'd go fishing with him. she tried to play golf. but she had a terrible right hook. due to some congenital defect: no depth perception on the right. the youngest of the two was a tomboy. but she and their dad didn't get along much at all. it was too bad - since she could have been a good fisherman and played golf too. but she didn't: because they just didn't get along. there are just patterns that happen in every life that just don't change as they should or even could. so they grew up very differently... tho they were only two years apart in age.
The older girl, who was Rae Anne, went fishing more and more with their Dad and the younger girl, Ronnie June went less and less into the boat. then Rae Anne went out more and more with other kids who went fishing or out in boats on the lake. and Ronnie June was left behind. finally, Rae Anne went out with her dates onto the lake and then one of those guys became a fiancee and then a husband and then they had children...so on and on....but more happened because of Ronnie June still being with the family all the time. on the lake.
The lake was the source of everything, really. all the happiness and unhappiness of the family centered on the lake. the golf course was next to the lake. Mom and Dad were out there every morning for the early tee-offs. then they were out in the boat. five miles an hour out onto the lake. once. twice a day. fishing. every body was out there fishing. Rae Anne, as I said...then her friends, her own family. the lake was the lodestone of vacations. but it was also the metaphor of the spirit of the whole family: both Mom's and Dad's family - and then Rae Anne's family. only Ronnie June was left out of the loop. they were all grown up now, and she was still feeling out of the metaphor. and she was starting to hate the lake.. really.
The lake was smaller than when they had been children for one thing. another was that Ronnie June was lonely. she didn't have friends at the lake ever. she didn't have her own family to bring to the lake. she was OK about Mom - but not too hot about Dad. she didn't like to take the boat out...not at all. she swam in the lake. but not with the others. all in all not good for the family. and not that great for her either. she had a time when was anorexic. then bulimic. pretty pathetic stuff. and so thin. with bad teeth and all. ulcers. hospitals. very silent person. didn't match the family. she was nothing to joke about... that's for sure.
Rae Anne was the complete opposite. full of life - her little kids and her charming husband as well. prince charming for sure. they were just night and day: and Ronnie June got to hear about that just forever. she started to drink. she would take the boat out now. sit under willows overhanging the lake. drink. pee over the side of the boat like their dad had taught them to do as kids... but she was a woman now - tho she was a stick of a woman. it wasn't right: every one felt sorry for her. and for the family. having to support a grown woman - on account of she had flunked out of every school since high school. and never had held down one single job. and had not one friend - unless they were a drifter. or a loser like her.
you might be thinking I'm pretty hard on her. couldn't be that bad. but I only knew half of it... later on, after she was dead. (bet you saw that one coming. but hold on. not there yet), Rae Anne let on and let out lots and lots of stories that would literally make your hair curl. about Ronnie sleep-walking with knives. cutting herself in the tub more than once. taking sleeping pills to try to die. taking Aspirin to try to die. going after her own father with his own gun. which was not loaded - thank god. that family had been through too much with that daughter-number-two. I'm just saying... they tried to get her to go for help. had her under observation a couple of times. but they always sent her home... and the family had her only home....
It got so no one wanted her up at the lake. not a soul. and the family needed some time away from all her horrible dramas and sullen ways. so they'd leave her to 'house-sit' back home. go up to the lake without her. things were better for awhile. then the you-know-what hit the fan:
It was August. hot, hot, hot. heavy with rain. heavy with wet. muggy, muggy wet. no breezes on the lake even. still. still as a graveyard in snow. she was with them this time. on account of there was no air conditioning in the house: it had given-out in over-use on these dog-days. they were afraid she'd go crazy and burn the place down from the heat. so every one was sullen now. not just her. no body even talked except for needing something. every one just lay around panting like old dogs in the sun. finally evenings would come. it would cool a little. out into or on to the lake every one went. and didn't come off the lake until night when the fireflies were lighting the way home.
Rae Anne's kids were whining about the heat. her husband wasn't trying to cheer anybody up for a change. Dad was looking peaked. Mom was banging around pots and pans. complaining that no one was eating anything anyway. so why was she getting herself all hot and hotter cooking in the damn kitchen? good question... Ronnie June was sitting on the sleeping porch. staring into nothing through the screens. in the dank shade of the old trees. Dad decided to go out onto the lake of course. his answer to everything... for some ungodly reason. he told Ronnie June to come with him. no one to this day knows why. and why she just stood up and went. usually she would have just said no. not even no thanks... but she just got up and went. no one said a word of protest or surprise...
Dad pumped up the old bitsy engine. Ronnie June sat in the bow. sullen. quiet. Dad didn't talk either. neither shouted a goodbye or anything. they just went off.
The kind of bad ending you expect came:it got near evening. they didn't come back. then it was getting dark. Rae Anne's husband went out in the canoe to look for them. he came back shouting and all grim. he had found the boat. upside down in the still lake. not a sign of them anywhere.
they were both good swimmers. there was nothing wrong with the boat. there had been no flares - and there were flares: in floating packets. so they could have set one off... and where were they anyway? not a body in sight. alive. or dead.
divers went in that very night. and the next morning. the sweeper boats went out and dredged the whole lake where they could reach. nothing: not a piece of cloth. not a fishing pole. nothing. investigations and searches went on for months. it was a really horrible mystery: no one knew what to think. what to say. a whole year went by....
The family was no good at this: they were meant for being ordinary. and usually happy. except for all the Ronnie June business, which had plagued them so - for so many years. it was a terrible relief not to have her around. but no one would say that out loud, of course. Dad was another story. he and the lake were the cornerstones of their lives. without him, and without the lake: nothing to hold. nothing to hold them together.
Rae Anne and her husband divorced. he couldn't take the stress of her endless misery. he got custody of their kids. they would visit with her on weekends. over time they saw her less. it was hard for her to cope with them, even that couple of days a week. Mom got just about catatonic. she had to go to a nursing home: a facility for mental illness. she just wasn't functioning one whit..even the lake got empty. people were a lot spooked by the whole incident. the lake silted over quite a bit. which actually made better fishing - for some reason... so men came to fish there from the shore line. did pretty well....
I think about twenty years went by: then some unusual events happened. brought the whole mystery up into the light again. like from the bottom of the lake - but not that gruesome...
Some one who went to the city about fifty miles away: saw Ronnie June. or thought they saw her. gray hair - but otherwise looked a lot like her. with a family of older kids. nice-looking husband. walking down the street... on impluse, called out Ronnie June's name: the woman turned and looked at her: she thought the woman looked shocked and surprised and scared - all at once... then she turned and walked away down the street... there was much speculation about this sighting: then it died down....
Then some one else said they saw her just about thirty miles away at the County Fair -:in the Preserving Building. competing in the Jams and Jellies section of the stalls. said her name: same thing in reply. but this time he was bold. he went up and spoke: your family fell apart. you must know that. where did you go? what happened? the woman just spoke back grim. almost angry: none of your business - and then left the building quickly....
Now the whole town was into this. especially Rae Anne. she wanted to know for sure: if this was her sister. what had happened so long ago. and especially what had happened to Dad. where was he? the police were brought back in. the investigation began again.
naturally, it was Ronnie June. the story took a lot longer to find out tho. and to get confirmed. to settle every body down. somehow. some way...
According to Ronnie June. Dad had tried to kill her. he had hit her lots of times over the head with the boat oar. on board in case the engine failed. she had tried to defend herself. threw stuff at him. hit him back. but he kept on coming. he kept calling her The Bad Seed and worse...
1/16/12
CRY, BABY, CRY is a short, short story...a memory that holds...it is simple, and it is true, and it's possible....
CRY, BABY, CRY
unusual people are often on flights, I've noticed...at least, when you're talking with them casually, they seem to have more unusual lives than I do. but, of course, it's all just on-the-plane talk....they might be way ordinary folks telling a few tall tales to strangers...still
sometimes you see these very people, on flights - especially on night flights, I've noticed - who also do something unusual...
and then you are changed by them, although you really didn't feel like changing, not a whit....
The Lady next to me was crying. she was not weeping. not sniffling. not just letting tears run down her cheek...she was just softly, well, crying....
occasionally she would blow her nose. then dab her eyes with the Kleenex pile she was holding...sometimes she was so quiet, I thought she was sleeping...but, she was just simply crying. I guess I was strongly affected, because I felt compelled to tap her one lightly trembling shoulder and ask her if I could be of help...
first, I suppose, I should describe us all around for you. maybe then you can see why we were all so compelled to be with her...so distressed, really...right along with her....
I'm an older guy. white hair. distinguished looking, my wife says. I have a kind face. younger people ask my advice. I guess I'm the patriarchal type. tho, I travel a lot. my own kids do OK without me I think. but, they like me...
She was on the aisle. then there was an unused seat. then another guy in the window seat. around my age. who was trying not to notice that she was crying, I think. anyway, later on he brought her water. so he cared. but he wasn't the patriarchal type like me....
nice, matronly stewardess lady, or what ever they call them now. gray-brown hair. from Seattle. lovely lady. very kind.
sweet Chinese male steward person. also kind. sweet eyes, for a guy.
all around. quiet, nice folks. no one unusual at all...except her...she was unusual...
at this point the steward guy asked what was wrong too...well, now, she was really sobbing. we were all noticing. it got a bit quiet around her. there were four of us all patting her back and offering Kleenex and water, and...I guess...all the comfort we had. because, what we saw was some one who had lost some one very important to her. that was coming through strong. tho she hadn't said a word at all....
real sorrow has such a deep way with it. you feel like you're looking down into a well that will not ever have a bottom.
her eyes, when she raised them up to us, were like that.
maybe some one dear to her had died. she couldn't seem to say.
I told her about my first wife then. I told her about how she had died of cancer, when we were very young. in our twenties.
for some reason, I started to tear up too. it had been years since I cried about Joyce. we were both kind of crying together now, the Lady and I....
the steward brought us both hot tea. he sat down too. asked her if she wanted to talk...then
he told her that bad times really happen. he had bad times leaving China. his family left behind. he thought of them all the time. his sisters were growing up without him. it was hard to never be home. money was tight in the city his family lived in. some factories had closed. so he sent all his money home.
he didn't cry. but he looked very, very sad. we all sat feeling quietly sad together, while she softly kept-up crying....
The woman attendant was very kind. she wrapped a blanket around our Lady of the Tears. and gently tucked it in. she's the one who figured out that the "lost" person was a "him". "You're missing him very much." was what she said...our Lady burst into a fresh round of sorrowing....
By now, others were noticing and gently whispering to each other and to her. looking kindly. patting her hand or her shoulders as. they went by. everywhere near her on the plane became quiet and respectful and very, very kind...
now, the woman attendant told her story a bit...she was just guessing that our Lady's story was similar, but she was getting it right, I think...
she told our Lady about a loved man she had, who went off to Vietnam. he'd have leaves. and then he'd have to go away again. she always hoped he'd come home, but he'd always say, "Go ahead and cry, Baby. you're right. I may not be able to come back. but I'll always be trying to come back."
Now we all had tears in our eyes, I imagined. at least, I did. did he come back? we all wanted to know.
no, she said: he became a POW, we were told. no one ever found him again. he's like a ghost in our lives.
Even our poor Lady sat quietly for a while without tears....
then she finally spoke.
she told us that her story was not as bad as that. that he wasn't dead. they had just reunited after forty-four years, for less than three days. they were now closer than ever. and they had become quite close over the last four months or so. but, long distance... things were not perfect for them. but they were as close as people can be. as a man and a woman can be. that was very clear to us all.
now they would be separated again. she lives in the San Francisco Bay Area. he lives in the Chicago Area. she told us it wouldn't be long, perhaps for others, before they would see each other again. but she was still feeling extremely sad.
I think we all saw the truth of the sorrow. in our own ways, but clearly.
she was mourning not weeks or days...but a whole lifetime...forty-four years...of absence.
her world had been shattered by realizing how much she had cared...all those years....
now they had found each other again. any separation now, to her, was impossible to live with.
she was now joined to this man.
this separation was breaking her into pieces.
the full force of her sorrow went through us all like a deep, full, hard wind.
her very skin. every muscle. every bone. all were being ripped from him into a void that was her life without him.
that is how she was feeling...
all happiness was with him. without him. all was dark. deep. looking into a well so deep, no star could find it's end.....
we all sat quietly with her on and off...
the plane landed.
we helped her off the plane with her luggage.
sent her off to go to a home that we all knew was no home without him.
we imagined she wept her way the whole way to her life on the Bay....
what we didn't know was that:
the Iranian driver wept with her.
he told her of the loss of his brother in Iran...how he could not leave the US to attend the funeral. his family were "security risks...
9/11 had changed the world for him. he was proud to be an American. he didn't want to leave America. but, he did wish he could go to Iran to see his family there. only it was not going to happen. he knew that.
they both shed tears together. very softly. as they were strangers. only a few kind tears....
he offered to carry her luggage up the stairs, but she declined.
he went home to his little apartment near Berkeley.
she thought about how he held his dear Iranian-American wife as he went to sleep...in sorrow...for comfort...
for all the times more than death can take a heart to breaking.
how the heart goes on. alone. still alive. even with the sorrow.
how even strangers can see all the loss. all the sorrow. can be kind.
can say, "Me too. I have known sorrow too. I hold it in my heart too...."
how much are we different? is a question I ask my self now...ever since we sat at the side of
our Lady with her tears....
Inside, I see her much of the time. she made me kinder than I was before.
or maybe I was always this kind. and others were this kind. and I just didn't see it.
now I see it.
So cry, Baby. Cry.
Cry for us all. thinking we're nobody. when we are really
capable of so much of
simply being human.
we all go our own ways into the night air...
our Lady is home.
Dry your tears, our Lady.
Sleep peacefully under these stars
that watch us all in our losses
silently crying
silently crying
silently
unusual people are often on flights, I've noticed...at least, when you're talking with them casually, they seem to have more unusual lives than I do. but, of course, it's all just on-the-plane talk....they might be way ordinary folks telling a few tall tales to strangers...still
sometimes you see these very people, on flights - especially on night flights, I've noticed - who also do something unusual...
and then you are changed by them, although you really didn't feel like changing, not a whit....
The Lady next to me was crying. she was not weeping. not sniffling. not just letting tears run down her cheek...she was just softly, well, crying....
occasionally she would blow her nose. then dab her eyes with the Kleenex pile she was holding...sometimes she was so quiet, I thought she was sleeping...but, she was just simply crying. I guess I was strongly affected, because I felt compelled to tap her one lightly trembling shoulder and ask her if I could be of help...
first, I suppose, I should describe us all around for you. maybe then you can see why we were all so compelled to be with her...so distressed, really...right along with her....
I'm an older guy. white hair. distinguished looking, my wife says. I have a kind face. younger people ask my advice. I guess I'm the patriarchal type. tho, I travel a lot. my own kids do OK without me I think. but, they like me...
She was on the aisle. then there was an unused seat. then another guy in the window seat. around my age. who was trying not to notice that she was crying, I think. anyway, later on he brought her water. so he cared. but he wasn't the patriarchal type like me....
nice, matronly stewardess lady, or what ever they call them now. gray-brown hair. from Seattle. lovely lady. very kind.
sweet Chinese male steward person. also kind. sweet eyes, for a guy.
all around. quiet, nice folks. no one unusual at all...except her...she was unusual...
at this point the steward guy asked what was wrong too...well, now, she was really sobbing. we were all noticing. it got a bit quiet around her. there were four of us all patting her back and offering Kleenex and water, and...I guess...all the comfort we had. because, what we saw was some one who had lost some one very important to her. that was coming through strong. tho she hadn't said a word at all....
real sorrow has such a deep way with it. you feel like you're looking down into a well that will not ever have a bottom.
her eyes, when she raised them up to us, were like that.
maybe some one dear to her had died. she couldn't seem to say.
I told her about my first wife then. I told her about how she had died of cancer, when we were very young. in our twenties.
for some reason, I started to tear up too. it had been years since I cried about Joyce. we were both kind of crying together now, the Lady and I....
the steward brought us both hot tea. he sat down too. asked her if she wanted to talk...then
he told her that bad times really happen. he had bad times leaving China. his family left behind. he thought of them all the time. his sisters were growing up without him. it was hard to never be home. money was tight in the city his family lived in. some factories had closed. so he sent all his money home.
he didn't cry. but he looked very, very sad. we all sat feeling quietly sad together, while she softly kept-up crying....
The woman attendant was very kind. she wrapped a blanket around our Lady of the Tears. and gently tucked it in. she's the one who figured out that the "lost" person was a "him". "You're missing him very much." was what she said...our Lady burst into a fresh round of sorrowing....
By now, others were noticing and gently whispering to each other and to her. looking kindly. patting her hand or her shoulders as. they went by. everywhere near her on the plane became quiet and respectful and very, very kind...
now, the woman attendant told her story a bit...she was just guessing that our Lady's story was similar, but she was getting it right, I think...
she told our Lady about a loved man she had, who went off to Vietnam. he'd have leaves. and then he'd have to go away again. she always hoped he'd come home, but he'd always say, "Go ahead and cry, Baby. you're right. I may not be able to come back. but I'll always be trying to come back."
Now we all had tears in our eyes, I imagined. at least, I did. did he come back? we all wanted to know.
no, she said: he became a POW, we were told. no one ever found him again. he's like a ghost in our lives.
Even our poor Lady sat quietly for a while without tears....
then she finally spoke.
she told us that her story was not as bad as that. that he wasn't dead. they had just reunited after forty-four years, for less than three days. they were now closer than ever. and they had become quite close over the last four months or so. but, long distance... things were not perfect for them. but they were as close as people can be. as a man and a woman can be. that was very clear to us all.
now they would be separated again. she lives in the San Francisco Bay Area. he lives in the Chicago Area. she told us it wouldn't be long, perhaps for others, before they would see each other again. but she was still feeling extremely sad.
I think we all saw the truth of the sorrow. in our own ways, but clearly.
she was mourning not weeks or days...but a whole lifetime...forty-four years...of absence.
her world had been shattered by realizing how much she had cared...all those years....
now they had found each other again. any separation now, to her, was impossible to live with.
she was now joined to this man.
this separation was breaking her into pieces.
the full force of her sorrow went through us all like a deep, full, hard wind.
her very skin. every muscle. every bone. all were being ripped from him into a void that was her life without him.
that is how she was feeling...
all happiness was with him. without him. all was dark. deep. looking into a well so deep, no star could find it's end.....
we all sat quietly with her on and off...
the plane landed.
we helped her off the plane with her luggage.
sent her off to go to a home that we all knew was no home without him.
we imagined she wept her way the whole way to her life on the Bay....
what we didn't know was that:
the Iranian driver wept with her.
he told her of the loss of his brother in Iran...how he could not leave the US to attend the funeral. his family were "security risks...
9/11 had changed the world for him. he was proud to be an American. he didn't want to leave America. but, he did wish he could go to Iran to see his family there. only it was not going to happen. he knew that.
they both shed tears together. very softly. as they were strangers. only a few kind tears....
he offered to carry her luggage up the stairs, but she declined.
he went home to his little apartment near Berkeley.
she thought about how he held his dear Iranian-American wife as he went to sleep...in sorrow...for comfort...
for all the times more than death can take a heart to breaking.
how the heart goes on. alone. still alive. even with the sorrow.
how even strangers can see all the loss. all the sorrow. can be kind.
can say, "Me too. I have known sorrow too. I hold it in my heart too...."
how much are we different? is a question I ask my self now...ever since we sat at the side of
our Lady with her tears....
Inside, I see her much of the time. she made me kinder than I was before.
or maybe I was always this kind. and others were this kind. and I just didn't see it.
now I see it.
So cry, Baby. Cry.
Cry for us all. thinking we're nobody. when we are really
capable of so much of
simply being human.
we all go our own ways into the night air...
our Lady is home.
Dry your tears, our Lady.
Sleep peacefully under these stars
that watch us all in our losses
silently crying
silently crying
silently
1/15/12
ONE NIGHT is a tiny Vignette, expressing inexpressibe feelings and thoughts...I often write there about private emotions: after all, there is nothing new in me that has not been done or seen or expressed throughout all these ages and planets: I am everywhere, just as 'you' are!...I have to write all of the time...this is one way, tho, only one way....
Kathy Everitt Profile Page POSTING on FaceBook, 1/14/12 late PM:
ONE NIGHT
on nights like this, when I'm too tired to sing...listen to singing...go out into the cool night air...even write a story...then, for no reason at all: poems float all around me...they all have baby faces sleeping and baby skin so softer than petals and I catch a petal between my fingers and rub it on my cheek and sing: you're a petal not even a song and you'll die altogether soon... and a bit of star streaks across the sky and sings Glory Glory to Time and Space! and when your star goes by I'm leavin' this world in a streak of Glory and you can come along if you wish...tho I won't even bother to say 'so long' because it's late and I have baby yawns to carry straight to sleep...yep. straight to sleep...rock-a-bye rock-a-bye....
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Pam Callen, Debbie Kuhl Wendt, Kate Rhodes Burrows, Kevin Radley, Hope Savage, and Kelly Lawrence like this
ONE NIGHT
on nights like this, when I'm too tired to sing...listen to singing...go out into the cool night air...even write a story...then, for no reason at all: poems float all around me...they all have baby faces sleeping and baby skin so softer than petals and I catch a petal between my fingers and rub it on my cheek and sing: you're a petal not even a song and you'll die altogether soon... and a bit of star streaks across the sky and sings Glory Glory to Time and Space! and when your star goes by I'm leavin' this world in a streak of Glory and you can come along if you wish...tho I won't even bother to say 'so long' because it's late and I have baby yawns to carry straight to sleep...yep. straight to sleep...rock-a-bye rock-a-bye....
LikeUnlike · ·Unfollow PostFollow Post · 19 hours ago
Pam Callen, Debbie Kuhl Wendt, Kate Rhodes Burrows, Kevin Radley, Hope Savage, and Kelly Lawrence like this
1/9/12
NOW IS OUR TIME is my love song now for Denny Alan McCue, my First Love as a young woman and my Love now, I am hopin', for the rest of our lives...its song is in my heart....
NOW IS OUR TIME
CHORUS
Now is our time is this very fine World
Now is our time to be Livin'
This is the time for our Company
The time of our Lovin', our Givin'
____________________
There is no desire from all of our past
That can be denied or forgotten -
We must live with Truth now and Honor, some Pain:
It's the debt that we owe for our missin'
All Times that we could have been
Better than Good: to eachother and others besides...
When you might have been my husband, and I
Might have been our Kids' Mother, your Bride....
_____________________
CHORUS
_____________________
I've been just all over this Country for Home -
I've been to all shores and each river...
I've been holdin' on to my Loved Ones and then
I've been Taker and then I've been Giver....
I give to you now all the Love that we have
Been givin' to others all life long...
I bring you the rest of my life and I bring you
My Heart and my Hopes and My Song....
______________________
CHORUS
______________________
So sing me your Songs, too, and play me your Tunes
On the Banjo that sings along with you -
You are the dream of my past, and my Present and all
Time I have left to be with you....
We'll sing on together and paddle the Waters
That greet us in our sweet canoe -
We will have Enough and we will have Plenty
And we'll love this whole lifetime through....
______________________
CHORUS
______________________
CHORUS
Now is our time is this very fine World
Now is our time to be Livin'
This is the time for our Company
The time of our Lovin', our Givin'
____________________
There is no desire from all of our past
That can be denied or forgotten -
We must live with Truth now and Honor, some Pain:
It's the debt that we owe for our missin'
All Times that we could have been
Better than Good: to eachother and others besides...
When you might have been my husband, and I
Might have been our Kids' Mother, your Bride....
_____________________
CHORUS
_____________________
I've been just all over this Country for Home -
I've been to all shores and each river...
I've been holdin' on to my Loved Ones and then
I've been Taker and then I've been Giver....
I give to you now all the Love that we have
Been givin' to others all life long...
I bring you the rest of my life and I bring you
My Heart and my Hopes and My Song....
______________________
CHORUS
______________________
So sing me your Songs, too, and play me your Tunes
On the Banjo that sings along with you -
You are the dream of my past, and my Present and all
Time I have left to be with you....
We'll sing on together and paddle the Waters
That greet us in our sweet canoe -
We will have Enough and we will have Plenty
And we'll love this whole lifetime through....
______________________
CHORUS
______________________
1/7/12
WE THREE KINGS is about what history is about and is not about in these times...in an odd sense of time and space...it's only a vignette....
WE THREE KINGS
You have to ask yourself: if you were a Wise Man and even, perhaps, a King: and you felt compelled by a Nova Event to go off to Nazareth to see an infant with an old carpenter dad and a teenaged mom: because you really thought you had evidence that this kid was going to be important to the world some day...and you had to travel from far away with two other Scientific Wise Men - who are sometimes identified as being of Royal Blood as you are - a long, long way, with possibly some language and culture constraints... and then you all visited these people and gave them Myrh, which is still a great tooth and gum medicine...and Frankincense, to improve the odors in the room of people you honor...and Gold for - well, for gold and such...and then you just went home after that and nobody knows what happened to you afterwards...: just what Would THAT be about?...what would you want That to mean?... and would people sing songs about it a couple of thousands of years later?...would they sing Star of Wonder - Star of Night?...would you wonder about these events you planned and then fulfilled?...would you?........ok, January 6th...time to take down the Christmas Tree....
You have to ask yourself: if you were a Wise Man and even, perhaps, a King: and you felt compelled by a Nova Event to go off to Nazareth to see an infant with an old carpenter dad and a teenaged mom: because you really thought you had evidence that this kid was going to be important to the world some day...and you had to travel from far away with two other Scientific Wise Men - who are sometimes identified as being of Royal Blood as you are - a long, long way, with possibly some language and culture constraints... and then you all visited these people and gave them Myrh, which is still a great tooth and gum medicine...and Frankincense, to improve the odors in the room of people you honor...and Gold for - well, for gold and such...and then you just went home after that and nobody knows what happened to you afterwards...: just what Would THAT be about?...what would you want That to mean?... and would people sing songs about it a couple of thousands of years later?...would they sing Star of Wonder - Star of Night?...would you wonder about these events you planned and then fulfilled?...would you?........ok, January 6th...time to take down the Christmas Tree....
1/4/12
NO HOME LIKE THE PRESENT is an Energy of Changes goin' on in our lives, only a few days into 2012 as a brand-new year...lyrics with a Song yet to be sung....uncovered...yet, in the shadows of my imagined Home...where I may well belong....
NO HOME LIKE THE PRESENT
CHORUS
Between Rock Lake and our sweet creek
The Fish are singin' in the rain -
I'm not sure there will be sunshine
Til the snows all melt again....
____________________
We are silver-haired for real:
Covered under sheaves of gold -
We're admittin' to adventure...
We're not willin' to Be Old....
We are bolder than the Eagles...
We are brighter than the Sun...
We're not losin' in this war - there's
No Surrender where we've won....
_____________________
CHORUS
_____________________
We're just Dreamin' of the Old Days:
We're just Walkin' on the Grass...
Days we have and Night Times too
Will never fail us as they pass....
So take our Hopes and Plans and make them
All be Real - All be True...
Take my hand and take me Homeward:
Home is Anywhere With You....
____________________
CHORUS
____________________
All the Young Dream of Beginnings -
Know then that the Old do too...
Facin' life is bold, excitin'...
Facin' love is bolder, true....
Givin's something we can muster...
Takin' bread and livin' kind....
I am goin' on and forward:
I will not leave you behind....
_____________________
CHORUS
_____________________
CHORUS
Between Rock Lake and our sweet creek
The Fish are singin' in the rain -
I'm not sure there will be sunshine
Til the snows all melt again....
____________________
We are silver-haired for real:
Covered under sheaves of gold -
We're admittin' to adventure...
We're not willin' to Be Old....
We are bolder than the Eagles...
We are brighter than the Sun...
We're not losin' in this war - there's
No Surrender where we've won....
_____________________
CHORUS
_____________________
We're just Dreamin' of the Old Days:
We're just Walkin' on the Grass...
Days we have and Night Times too
Will never fail us as they pass....
So take our Hopes and Plans and make them
All be Real - All be True...
Take my hand and take me Homeward:
Home is Anywhere With You....
____________________
CHORUS
____________________
All the Young Dream of Beginnings -
Know then that the Old do too...
Facin' life is bold, excitin'...
Facin' love is bolder, true....
Givin's something we can muster...
Takin' bread and livin' kind....
I am goin' on and forward:
I will not leave you behind....
_____________________
CHORUS
_____________________
1/1/12
ONE HEALING STAR is a lyrics for my Family of Children and Grandkids and Great Grandkids...it's the song of any older person heading, as grace-fully as possible, into older age and older decisions and perspectives...hopefully with some thought, compassion, and with loads of Love and Fullness of Life!...I hope it has a song...if not, then it is a chant within the darkness...an acceptance within the dawn....
ONE HEALING STAR
CHORUS
One small star fell in the dark night
Took its time from long ago:
O Healing Star O Wonder Star
Pretend to heal my sorrows, Star -
Pretend to hold my Joys....
_________________
Fell out of place where ever place is:
On the map I can't find home -
You were my lodestar, little family -
You were just kids - and now you're grown...
Your kids have kids and I have age now:
You can't follow where I've been...
All your roads are all your own now...
Live to love and Live to win....
____________________
CHORUS
____________________
I'm not counting on the sun rise -
No more prayin for some rain:
To quench my thirst for life and livin:
To please bring me home again...
All the world is now my home -
And everywhere there's Love and Song -
I've been here a long, long time now -
None of us can stay here long...
____________________
CHORUS
____________________
It's a new year from an old year...
Time is passing on each season:
I'm just livin Life with grace now
Best I can: no rhyme: no reason....
Give me Joy then bring me Sorrow:
They aren't news to me or shame:
Long before I was newborn:
I had this Face. I knew my Name....
____________________
CHORUS
____________________
CHORUS
One small star fell in the dark night
Took its time from long ago:
O Healing Star O Wonder Star
Pretend to heal my sorrows, Star -
Pretend to hold my Joys....
_________________
Fell out of place where ever place is:
On the map I can't find home -
You were my lodestar, little family -
You were just kids - and now you're grown...
Your kids have kids and I have age now:
You can't follow where I've been...
All your roads are all your own now...
Live to love and Live to win....
____________________
CHORUS
____________________
I'm not counting on the sun rise -
No more prayin for some rain:
To quench my thirst for life and livin:
To please bring me home again...
All the world is now my home -
And everywhere there's Love and Song -
I've been here a long, long time now -
None of us can stay here long...
____________________
CHORUS
____________________
It's a new year from an old year...
Time is passing on each season:
I'm just livin Life with grace now
Best I can: no rhyme: no reason....
Give me Joy then bring me Sorrow:
They aren't news to me or shame:
Long before I was newborn:
I had this Face. I knew my Name....
____________________
CHORUS
____________________
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