THE PACK was written in 2010, to reflect on my perceptions of my Three Children at the end of the first decade of the 21st century...it's already dated...but it was written at a good time in their lives and in my life...and so it is a nice snapshot of that time and our time together in the space that is Close Family...the Pack....

THE PACK

My children have definitely been adults now for a long, long time. they are more my comrades now then my 'children'. my youngest will be forty this year. I'm sixty-five now... I have eleven grand kids. one great-grand kid. three step-children. eight step-grand-children. We are, my children and I, adults together. I work for my son in his school. a small Academy of thirty students ages four though seventeen. my daughter-in-law works there too. as does my second daughter, part-time. I teach five of my grand-children their English and Social Studies in this great school. I enjoy working there. my son and his wife and my daughter are hard working. my oldest daughter is a teacher, too. I am very fond of my two son-in-laws as well. they are more like sons to me. my children's families all live within a one and a half mile radius of my little apartment. We are truly a Pack. We have, more or less, always been together, my three kids and my self.

Here they are, in order of birth. They are equal and entirely different people in my thoughts. I love them all completely as they are, in every way. I am loyal to them and to their children and grandchildren...for life...

Krai Anne is the eldest. she was a big surprise. her father and I were on our honeymoon when we found out. really! that we were pregnant. we laughed and laughed. I was very stomach-contents challenged during that pregnancy. at just before eight months, my bag of waters 'broke'. I waited two weeks, and then she was born. under six pounds. her paternal gramma offered the family plot in case she didn't make it...I was immediately her champion and defender. she was going to make it, by god! I breast-fed her every two hours for months. she didn't sleep even a few hours, for months and months, before she would be screaming for more! by the seventh week, tho, she was at her correct weight. my sensitive little survivor!

Krai had trouble in school with some dyslexia...but she loved school so much, her hard work always saw her through...she really loved learning! She went all the way through college without stopping...got a great high-B average...in all her courses, especially the ones dealing with human life and love and development...that's what she was all about...still is....she learned piano...was a really good figure skater...fun to watch on the ice...good at it - lots of lessons...always worked hard for her dreams....still does....

She got into religion big-time as a little kid...actually went into the Baptist faith for awhile with Mrs. Vader in her pink Cadillac picking her up every Sunday...until they scared her too much about hell and all...so she became a full Catholic. and there she stays. She's raised her kids Catholic as well....

Krai Anne has always been the one who was attached to my very self out of a need that came from her first year on earth, I think. she has always had expectations of me that I know I have not met. Loyal to me, tho I am not the perfect mother she had in mind. always has had in mind. she is gracious and always kind to me and to my life partners. but she is private about what she really feels. always.

She always, always loved babies...children under six or so are her favorite, I think. she is magic with very small people. feeds, nurtures, and teaches them perfectly. devotedly. proudly. and very, very, well...her BA is in Human Development, of course....she always said she would take care of children as her life's work. from the time she was a little child. that, and small animals...mainly cats and dogs...kitties and puppies....she is a true earth mother.....

Krai is also very sensual...loves rich, good foods...is sensitive about eating meat...has raised her kids, generally, vegetarian...has definite opinions about pediatric and general medical care. about how to raise kids. about nutrition. she'd like to get an MA in that direction: caring for the more difficult kids...the ones who need 'counselling'....she knows how to be a good wife with her husband. how to have a party for fifty people. how to limit a teen-ager. how to handle a substitute teaching job with difficult kids. definite ideas. she has my habit of being very strong in these areas of life. and then breaking down in private right into tears over the many, many pressures in her chosen life.

Krai Anne and her family love being outside on the water...camping out of their camper...being on the road to adventures...she's the caretaker of all their vacation dreams...loves her time out with her family...especially in the water....

She has a black thumb with plants. She loves to dress in new, nice clothes. she wears jewelry and clothing that her husband likes. she is the best baker and dessert-baker especially, in the whole family. she can be very judgemental. hates criticism against her self, with a passion. reads. stresses with a capital S, over the lives and the education of her children. can be too controlling of their behavior at times. always very, very loving with her kids. very physical and warm-hearted in her own unique way...she is close to a few. very loving with a few other people then family. very traditional though. Devoted to the entire Family and its many extensions as a way of life. she loves all the holidays and traditions and Family gatherings. contributes generously and devotedly to all these occasions. throws huge parties for every occasion, with her equally family-centered husband. works her self to exhaustion to make good times for others...it is her way.....

Krai is the most Midwestern member of the family culturally. she would have been very happy in Wisconsin or in Illinois in a small town. she likes Stockton, where they live. it has her modern-small-town ways of family life. but I think she would bring her Midwestern ways anywhere she was. she is true to herself. as we all are. all four of us....stubborn too...stubbornly her own self. determined to be her own self. true to the pack's ways in this manner.....

She and her dear husband Bill, who is like a son to me, have four children. Bill is the step-father for her first two. but he is exactly like any father in every, every way. and full of love for her and for his family. he works hard at construction work of all kinds. and does well. he works cars all the time too....he plays golf, and boats, and water boards...is generally athletic. great guy. of course not perfect. but very kind and giving. and does his best. very lovable guy. with the whole family. all of us. I'll tell you about the kids another time. this is just about my kids. and their spouses. a bit.

Sabra Elizabeth. my Sabra Bethy. she was born three weeks late...a little yellowish with fingernails growing. slow about being born! and quiet. she would only cry a bit - "hinking", the Wisconsin mom's called it - for her breast milk every three hours or so...slept like a little log, in between. I'd check on her to be sure she was still in the crib. she was that quiet!...I would have to say that her quiet, which marked her early years quite a bit, was a portent of the Huge Storm her later childhood would be...but who could see that at the time? There they were, her crying-all-the-time older sister, by eleven months...and the barely 'hinking' little sister...two very different little girls. right from the start....

"Sabra Bethy, you're the one! You make bath-time so much fun! Sabra Bethy, I'm awfully fond of you! Sabra Bethy, you're so fine, and I'm oh so glad you're mine! Sabra Bethy, I'm awfully fond of you"....I used to sing that song to her all the time. I wanted her to feel special, being the second child...I had always strongly felt that I was favored by my parents over my sister, Pat...who I still think was not treated well by them as their second child, even after all these years of hindsight....Sabra was sweet as a teddy bear when she was a kid. she was fun and joking all the time, especially with her brother Chris. they were sort-of joined at the elbow...often to the exclusion of their big sister, Krai Anne...she was giddy with jokes and fun.

She was a great little artist, her whole life. she eventually was enrolled in the Oakland Arts Magnet school as a kid. she and her brother loved that school. it suited their wild and creative ways. In high school, she won the award for four years of excellence in art. as a Senior, she was named one of the fifty best Seniors in Art in California, and was featured in a gallery show for that. years later, when she was twenty eight, she went into college...and worked hard to get her BA in Fine Arts, with a focus on Ceramic Arts...my little artist is still an artist...teaches Art in her brother's Academy...teaches well...creative and kind and firm and capable and always able to make Art out of nothing at all....

Sabra was very bright, but didn't work her best in school. she was too playful. later, she was to preoccupied with her alternative life-style with her peers. she graduated OK from her private girls' high school. she had sung in the elite schola and in the chorus. and, of course, there was her wonderful art. it was not until her late twenties that she excelled in school, when she was ready. Sabra has always had her own ways of accomplishing life. her own explorations of life. always with an amazingly creative edge...

Sabra went through very, very sad years. she was deeply into the drug culture of her generation...deeply into the people who either thrived, superficially, or floundered in that culture. she lived that life for many years...her late teens into her twenties...and had two boys born with a drug dealer who was loaded with manipulation and charm...both the boys were adopted in an Open Adoption by psychologist parents. those 'Boys' of Sabra's are still involved, with their adoptive parents, in our full family...on and off, as their psychologies demand or as they seem to need...there's more that could be said about all those years...but much of that is Sabra's private memories...only she should tell them...it is a wonderful story in so many ways, tho very, very difficult.....

Sa is still such a strong and out-there sort of person. vigorously involved Mama to her dear little girl Katie, with her husband Mike...they are strongly 'alternative' in life style...also extremely hard-working and responsible people, all at the same time...Katie is growing up all creative and well-cared-for and, well...she's being raised with so much good thought and honest love...it's all lovely to be around. lots of family and friends love to be in their home with them. it's such a welcome and cozy and real place to be. they are so generous and kind as well. so real. Sabra has always brought home stray animals to care for...and she has championed people during their 'stray' periods of life...sometimes happily...sometimes not so.... Sabra is always trying to get to the reality behind every interaction and event in her life. she is thought-full about life. and open as she can be. she had her dishonest years. now she moves in fields of truth as freely as she can...my capable, creative second daughter....

what else...she sings...well! many of them are songs I like a great deal...she was, and still could be, a wonderful and natural horse-back rider. we used to sponsor a horse for her. being with her horse as a teen was one of the more natural outlet's she had....she swims like a fish...more like a seal....she and her brother and sister were all on a swim team for a way-long number of years as kids, while I was working...so, she is good in the water...loves to canoe and camp out too... we spent so much time camping out when the kids were little, that they all know how to 'do' camping very well! and, they all still do...quite a bit! like me, she and Mike are raising their Katie with lots of activity instead of parking her in front of a TV or computer all day...good for her and for him! good for Katie!

Sabra's art is quite wonderful. original and free - not blocked...a left-hander....she is generous with her creative work...enjoys gardening. enjoys preserving foods...cooking for drop-in guests...she has always been very, very good with animals, especially dogs and horses...she worked as a vet's assistant for over a decade...she's also a splendid and natural masseuse...we all crave her massages...and is a wondrous nanny, a real pro! also a reader, of course....

Sabra's Mike is a very private person. he's opened his heart to be with this pack. he's a truly good guy. and a car man. and a motorcycle man. he lives his 'alternative life style' with a certain dignity. he's opinionated and generous and he adores his Sabra and Katie. he would give his life for them. he already has. he is good to his mother-in-law. that's me. and, he is dear to me....

Chris was the first boy born into the Everitt family in two generations. as our 'baby' child, he was certainly spoiled, although he never perceived it that way. I certainly tried to make sure that he did all the chores and learned all the skills to take care of himself. he still is probably the best (and only) ironer in the family, and can clean house with the best of 'em...still, my son is all Man. and that's a fact.

As a boy he was very, very playful. a jester. an extremely creative artist. in every media...even ceramics and fine wood and stone carving... good with music - especially writing songs and playing the guitar. He used to call me into his dark and dangerous work-room next to his bedroom with these serious words: Mom, I've written a new song. want to hear it? I would drop everything and go into the inner sanctum to hear his latest creative endeavor. there would be no second request if I did not! also a reader, of course...

Chris was always very lucky. other kids would find change on the ground. he'd find twenty dollar bills. but mainly, all his jobs, from the time he was young, were all hard work. and he never flagged at earning his pay with truly hard labor. he was such a playful child, that it was amazing how seriously he took on responsibilities...especially his patriarchal roles. For, my son is a Father and Leader to many, many people. not only to his learning-challenged older son and three young triplets. but to all the men and women who work for him, whose families are as important to him as is his own. he calls these men and women his brothers and sisters. and they are as devoted to him and to their work with him as their Boss...

He had a full scholarship for tuition to SF State U in San Francisco, for his art. Like Sabra, he had won the Four Years of Art Excellence Award from his private high school. he had been in the Jazz Band there. his friends were in that band. otherwise, he was a bit of a loner. he has always been a bit private. even in his life for the last twenty years, which has been completely filled with dozens of people every day! he didn't take that scholarship, because he decided to continue to grow as a Martial Artist in Bok Fu Karate...as an instructor at first...then as the owner of a five school Martial Arts School System: West Wind Schools...in his early twenties!

West Wind Schools is a very unusual place. it's the longest-'running' martial arts studio in the East Bay of the SF Bay area...it's made it through recessions and staff changes and lots of ups and downs...with a strong core of men and women working together to keep it vital and functional...for twenty of those years, under my son's direct ownership and leadership. he works hard and they work hard for him...obtained his black belt in Taiwan; and became certified as an Iaedo Instructor in Japan...understands much of the languages, cultures, arts, writing, and folk lore of those two countries...his students and instructors and he are wonderful to watch in tournaments and demonstrations...so creative and skilled!

Now he and his intrepid wife, Heidi, are the Principal and Assistant Principal of West Wind Academy. That's their great private school for thirty kids ages four through eighteen, teaching them all their academic subjects and karate every day. I work there as their English-Social Studies Teacher daily. Sabra works there twice a week as the Art Teacher; Heidi teaches multiple subjects and works hard and loudly to be sure the school and its students and its parents and its staff stay on the ball with enthusiasm and dedication. and, Chris orchestrates the whole school, making sure it's creative, dynamic, and as excellent as it can be...while insisting on the work being as fun and real as possible! the kid's families are all involved in the dojo...so it's a real 'family' all on its own...I teach five of my grand kids there...so it is a special place indeed....

Chris does all this while keeping active in his Fine Arts on a continuous and highly creative level of work...while continuing to write and sing and play his music, accompanying himself on his guitar...and still finding time to read. to create Asian-inspired gardens at three different sites...to build with wood and stone...he is an amazing ball of energy....but then, all three of my alpha children are...that's clear to see...when he was to be born, an East Indian friend told me his 'fortune'...that he would always be lucky, but would always have to work hard for his 'luck'. she was right...but there again, all of the pack works 'hard' for their 'luck' in life....

Like his sisters, Chris and his family love swimming, being on and near water...camping...going on adventures...staying away from the TV set...being outside and active...being totally alive in the natural world....

My daughter-in-law, Heidi. a volcano of a woman! fierce and fiercely loving. a dynamo of control and permission and goodness and when-she-is-bad-she-is-horridness! Intelligent Design. Creative Fire on Earth. that's Heidi. my son and his kids would be completely lost without her. the Pack would be diminished without her, my Baby Goose....

I probably have forgotten some of their accomplishments...like me, they have over-achieved way, way, way too much...they are very much into 'control' in their lives. like me, they deny this quality in themselves. they are incredibly strong. creative. extremely loving. fiercely loyal...

I would not be my self without these three in my life. period. "...and by song. by blood and by bone. I have wrapped their three lives around me...the taste of them. the smell of them. always be with me"...paraphrase of part of a song by Sinead O'Connor...fits.....

We are a Pack. there are no animals like us. maybe wolves are closest to who we are. every one who joins with us deals with alpha love and honesty so intense that it is like a fire. but the fire is very kind. very accepting of humanity. very life-giving...

My Pack.
Blessings
my blessing:
These Three....