SNOW ANGEL is a simple short-story that carries through on my Delight and Wonder about Snow Angels and Snow Angel-Making that I've enjoyed since I was a little person, whenever I'm in Snow...it begins as a long too-do about an Ordinary Woman and how she has evolved in Life, to the Point of Redemption - which we all can experience - if we wish to feel an event in our lives is such a 'Point'...her name is Sandy...she has made many, many Snow Angels in her Lifetime...and she has not made them alone....

SNOW ANGEL

there are women who carry the seeds of who we should all be - we who are women... they are not often that observable: Sandy was: she was large, first off. short and very broad by birth. carried all with muscle. large hands - large heart as well. she was born brow presentation: meaning her face was pushing up into the light. instead of the top of her tiny head. made for a hard labor - but was considered a fortunate sign anyway. like she would be a leader. or a princess. something important in life. which meant special. very special... there were too many kids in her family to keep that one going for long tho. only on her Birthday every year: her mom would say: born brow first. had to use forceps: made her crazy! then everyone would laugh - even Sandy - joking was something she did very well all the time. on account of being large...

she was darkish too. like a gypsy: so when her adults were mad at her: they'd all say: you were put on the doorstep by the gypsies anyhow! they were all lighter in skin. tho not a blue eye among 'em. still it was like in many a family: the lighter ones seemed to have it easier. the darker ones got yelled at: human nature being what it is. also: being large is sometimes OK: means the family has enough food and all. sometimes not OK: not being American enough to be thinner. needing to be cuter. needing to fit-in and all... besides that: she read. reading is OK - but not too much reading: too much reading means 'dork' and 'nerd' and stuff. means you think you are more smart than everyone else. which you are. but it's bad manners to show-off: reading is showin'-off. everybody knows that. her mom was proud of it: we don't got a book in the house. just collect dust. don't have money for crap like that. that's what libraries are for. geesh: get your head out of that book and set the table! why you wastin' your time on them books- stuff like that...

hey. I'm not sayin' here that Sandy was abused or anything. just: her mom and dad didn't want to have to read. they had made it just fine not reading or even writing stuff. they didn't was to be told to do nothin' - not by anyone! They made jokes about bein' dumb and all: course, they really didn't think of themselves as dumb. they had the superiority complex thing: it was complex all right! it was all about how not being educated led to being the 'real Americans' and comments like that. they all thought of Sandy as a 'damn liberal': on account of her being a teacher and all. that's what she went to school for: to be a teacher: "waste of money" as all her dad said. whenever anyone praised him for puttin' Sandy through college... her mom would say: well at least she's got a job. she's not goin' to get a husband no how. so she might as well get a pension by teachin' in them public schools... which she did. Sandy: was good at teaching. the kids loved her...really did!

she had one guy once. he was nice. but kinda' a mama's boy. he lived at home and took care of his mom and his gramma besides. he worked in a hardware store and made good money as the night manager. running the stock-boys crazy by being all precise and clean and stuff. there was something un-manly about him. He had two sisters who were bigger than he was and who slapped him regularly if they got mad at him. so going with our Sandy was probably something psycho in him or something... Sandy didn't invite him to dinner either: she was truly afraid her parents would eat him alive. they'd never let her hear the end of it: what a wossypants he was and all. she didn't need that... but she did need a boyfriend. someone to talk about in the teacher's room: yeah, my guy would like that movie too....sure thing! it's great to have a steady guy....things like that....

Sandy was fond of Snow. she had a thing for the cold - the ocean didn't do anything for her. she liked to huff and puff up and down trails a lot tho. being large make climbing hard. but not that hard. she loved the cold cuz she didn't sweat as much in the cold. she loved the quiet of the snow away-off up on the mountain. any mountain. she climbed what she could get to in a weekend. put on her snowshoes. headed down or up some well-groomed trail. where she wouldn't get lost too easy. sometimes went with a friend or two. mostly not. the solitude was great. no one to notice how big she was. she looked like some big ol' bear on the trail. that was for sure. but no one cared. the few people up there with her weren't there to look beautiful either. it was a safe and still and somehow 'warm' place to be... and she would take pictures and show them in the teachers lounge. so the snow was good for a lot of reasons... she would write about 'snow' often. in poems and stories. many people in her life did not like her stories: she didn't use grammar the way they were used to - punctuation and all. she wrote too much about the Snow as well. even in lyrics she wrote: it was off-putting...her emotions showed in her writing too - way too much. like Snow in your face: Stung.

living her own life was important to her. her exboyfriend had been so critical. so judgemental about her. how she wasn't that 'good' a person. how she was too determined to do things her own way. how she wasn't private enough about her life. told people too much about herself all the time - tho she was known for keeping secrets well. she accepted other people 100%. which was more than she could say about many of these so-called friends: between family and friends: a lot of criticism came her way. she tried to take it all casual. but 'no soap'...just hard to do....she decided to keep writing whatever way she pleased. she decided to live through her relationships whatever way she wished. she decided to just sing about her own life with whatever songs she wanted to sing: anyone who didn't like her as she was: they could simply eat her dust. that's what she decided. it was hard to live that way day by day tho... day by day is always hard anyways. it's often hard to be original and aggressive and creative about your life every single day. Sandy was workin' on this full-time tho. this was one of her reasons for living life: to be exactly her own self as much as possible....

So: that's who Sandy is. and how she got 'there' in this world...

it was Christmas Eve: there was no snow this very year. the hills and mountains were bare. everyone ignored all that: it was just the way it could be in California. you just never knew...it was not a traditional kind of State like that. Still. no snow. no real cold. no boyfriend. no big changes - good, or bad - happenin' lately. school was out. she was on her own...the family 'dinner' was over. the usual gifts: Cd's she had never heard of - that they thought she might like...boring as hell...if she had ever been a drinker, this would have been a good time for a shot of whiskey. but, no... and no ice cream to pig-out-on. which would have filled up something. and the john had just plugged up and overflew just about everywhere....not a good time for Sandy. not at'all.....

I'd like to add here that this isn't one of those about suicide over the holidays and so on. this one is about Redemption: comin' from out of nowheres. like Santy Claus. only better....back to this story....

The sun was rising up out of the east with a Christmas Sunrise of beauty - Great Beauty. the john had unclogged...she had gotten precious little sleep. she wasn't sad. not happy neither, tho...there were friends to see that day. there was the time off from school to cozy up at home with a few books to read...all week...there was candy in her stocking...not too shabby there....but she got the drift that something was goin' to happen: Something Fine...tho nothing had just fallen out of the sky to shock her quite as yet..

Sandy decided to go up to the Snow. took along her chains for the car wheels - in case there was enough Snow.... took along a bunch of books to read next to some fireplace somewheres up in the Sierra. took along her computer to write some more short stories or poems on. took along her Heart: hopin' it would be open to anything new that might or might not happen...it was good she brought along her Heart...she had a Big Heart too - like I said way back - so there was lots of room in it for sure...

the lodge had one little attic room left open for the season...she got it and she liked it: it looked out upon the Fine Snow...she felt its cold and its glow. it filled her up. she sighed that kind of happy sigh. even the light was Snow Light. the Sierra was doing its winter magic! it was quieter than other times too: on account of the snow pack was very thin. even at altitude: hardly any snowfall this year. but still: enough to walk on with snowshoes. Sandy had her snowshoes with her. just like always: this was Good as it gets. she got outside soon as she could: into her Snow....

It was already starting to warm up a bit tho: by the end of the day a full Melt might be on - or even done...Sandy headed out to get what she could...the Trees did their sharp piney smells and riffles in the small wind...the Snow was bright and crisp yet: it did its crunches and snaps under the snowshoes...the few people on the trails were muffled voices and laughs and muddles of colors and faces: they would all smile happy Hellos as they went past her or around her...the food and drink she brought along tasted better than ever it did indoors...the Sun was a god of Light and Gentle Warm Glow on the cold of the small wind...the day was perfect: all Cold Air and White and almost-Silence - occasional flash of Bird...of of Green-wet-Moss on the north of the Trees....
it was then that Sandy saw Him. He was making a Snow Angel.

Sandy stood still: He was a very large man. maybe young. no hat on his head: which was a shock of red hair all awry. He had taken off his snowshoes: He was making a Mighty Snow Angel - a Huge Snow Angel! - in the snow just off the trail...and he was laughing out loud - quite loud - to himself: to the day. to the Snow: about Life maybe - or maybe for no reason at all....Sandy felt her breath catch: He was the Most Beautiful of the Beauty of this day: He made her want to sing! so she began to sing!...
what came out of her mouth was "Here comes Suzy Snowflake"...sorry about that: but that song just came out: nothing romantic about it at all! no stars or sun fell from the sky! no rush of fall-in-love music to kiss by! no movie scene edited to glory and back! just that kid's song from way back-in-the-day. it would have made anyone laugh: and so it did! He stared at her for a second: and then He laughed! and by all that is holy: He laughed just like some department store Santy Clause! it was a Ho Ho Ho Laugh for sure - for sure...He sat up and started to sink more into the soft snow of the warming day: and He Laughed Ho Ho Ho! Sandy lost balance: that's how hard she was chortling! she felt her large self falling - and then rolling over - into the snow: straight down the trail into his boots: over which she tripped. and fell finally to rest: face-first into her Precious Snow....

Of course: He helped her up. they laughed more. told each other their Dear Names. told each other - in flashes of eyes and words: their Names from before they were born....

They took off like a blizzard: both Teachers of Little Kids. Both Unmarried. Both Large and Funny People. Both Writers. Both Singers. Both around the Right Age. Both Un-attached. except to Snow: Both attached: to Snow. to Reading. To 'trying some Writing'. to Singing...to Wanting to Love and to be Loved...

O how I wish I could tell you all about how Perfect it was for ever and ever! of course: Life is not so easy to pin down that way - especially during Snow Melt Times: times when the kids get the flu. times when neither of them wants to take out the trash.... you all know how it is...
but then: if you are Romantic... if you thought for years that you were too Large. too Book-wormish. too much of a Snow Freak: well then you know All About the Rest of this story: how to grab for all the Good Life you can get. how to never give up on just Being Your Very Own Self - no matter who or what...how to Sing and Write about Life and about Love as if you knew something about these Human Illusions and Delusions!...

Most Importantly - of course - You know just how to make Snow Angels...and you teach your Kids how to make Snow Angels Dance - because Snow Angels do Dance: they are the Gifts of your Spirits and your Bodies to the Snow: Impressions of that Life and that Love and that Laughter: Images of Unimaginable Hope.

Sandy and her Snow Angel appear to be very much Ordinary People - Every Day Folks...

But when they are making Snow Angels: They are the Best of All Possible People - and you are Honored if you get a glimpse of them laughing and playing just off the trail...you pass them by with a smile...

and then-perhaps...you slough off your snowshoes. you fall over backward into the soft and forgiving Snow...

you Give Your Self - You Laugh and you Cry Your Self...
into your Very Own Snow Angel....