RAINWALKER is a Tribute to my dear Friend who died a whiles back....

RAINWALKER

Lee was always known as Rainwalker. I had given her that 'name' - she liked being known as a kind of person who would go out walking in the rain whenever she pleased. She was never dishonest. these are two unusual ways to be known in the world.
She had traveled to over fifty countries. was kind. but, she didn't get upset by poverty. she felt that it wasn't correct to interfere in other cultures.
had many opinions about the world. and, about how to be healthy. and Buddhism as well. she expected much of life and her friends and her self.
Then, she would deny the opinions. humbly, she would say that she had no opinions. that she accepted the world as it is. no expectations.

I knew her story because I was a friend she tolerated. I occasionally said something original, that she had not heard before. she and her son,
who was also very intelligent and wise beyond his years, liked original thought. they defined what original thought was.

she was very devoted to her son, her only child. when he was young, she and her husband home-schooled him. the first school he ever really got into enjoying was UC Berkeley. he did well there...
their world was filled with very interesting people. they drew people to them who were on the crest of every wave. even if the wave crashed, they had been at
the front of the ride...with their arms open to every wind...to every excitement.

She and her son and their closest friends were all alpha - above all the alpha around....
there was no losing for them. even if they lost, they made it clear that they had won anyway...somehow....
I was in awe of them.

It's not that I treated them like they were better than I....no, not that. But, though they never were overt about it, it was really clear that they felt, deep inside,
that they were really better than anybody. but, they were humble about it.
I'm not even being critical of their approach to life and the rest of us. they really were better than most people. smarter. more aware. more educated. more alert to the world. more creative. more insightful. better read, too. and they knew music. all the music worth knowing. also, finances. literature. politics. the arts. always on the cutting edge....

Her husband had been amazing and very controversial. He was a very bright person with hundreds of odd to original ideas about life. he was a leader and a lot of people followed him. if you didn't, like, for example, I didn't, then he just didn't even pay any attention to you.
he died of cancer in his fifties. at home. they did it all the right way. she was very proud to be with him and with her son. the three of them were inseparable. they had traveled together their whole lives....no one traveled as well as they, they were beautiful travelers...beautiful people, truth be told...

I wasn't always so forward when I was with Lee...she was always telling me what she didn't like about people in her life, at the time....the foibles of all we friends were many...and I shared a great deal in common with those imperfect folks....especially in the food and exercise departments of life in our good old western culture....

Lee's diet and exercise habits were...well...really perfect. She could eat the best of the foods from every single culture, including the desperately 'hot' foods, with great gusto and great health....she was rarely sick, anyway...and she walked miles and miles every single day. her perfection in this area of life was daunting. really competitive. and...it was no contest. she always won. with me, at least. I never walked so much. I occasionally ate really horrible fast food. in large amounts...there is no way I would ever,ever eat and exercise so faithfully and so completely correctly - not ever. so, I just would ohhh and ahhhh over her true wonderfulness in this regard....well aware that she must know what a failure I was, compared to her, in this area of life....

I know I'm sounding a bit caustic, but I'm not really feeling that way: I'm feeling, truly, a bit lonely for her...see, Lee is dead.

Lee died in 2009 after having a cancer. I wasn't voluntarily told what cancer it was, or where in her. and, I didn't pry about it. it didn't really matter, did it? she died very quickly, but it was slow for her, I'm sure...over two months. maybe more that I don't know about. Lee did not let anyone visit her except her brother a few times. her son daily. and her nurse-friend. who cared for her all the time, I assume. she died at home.
she asked to have no Memorial Service. we were all just to remember how we were in life together. and to go on. this left all of us feeling our feelings alone. but there was nothing to be complained about. that would hold dignity, anyway... her decisions subdued mourning in me. but did not change mourning inside.

Who was Lee in my life for the twenty-five years I knew her and called her my friend?

She was critical of my partners, my husbands...I gave her three to be critical about. she found all three to be unexciting or even boring at times. she was kind to my last husband. she liked his beatnik history and ways. he was well-read enough to be interesting enough, as well....
at any rate, she went out with us to dinner here and there...

We respected each other's nursing skills. we both gave our 'patients' the ability to take good care of themselves and even of others. we were both clear about not making people dependent on us. to have them respect their own selves...that was our work. we saw eye to eye on this.

My indifference to her husband wasn't appreciated, although I'm sure I wasn't rude about it at all. she just wanted him really appreciated, not just given a vague listening-to. I didn't cotton to him. he didn't cotton to me. but, I was respectful.
well, nothing would have kept Lee from talking about him anyway. she told at least three or four stories about him every visit we had together, for all the years he was alive and for all the years after, too. She tried to be closer to other guys at times. but, it was always about him. so, nothing would come of it.

We both loved walking the beaches on the ocean. we walked for hours without talking or worrying about entertaining each other. those were fine times....

She often invited me to go out to shows with her and her son and their friends. I often couldn't go, because of all the family obligations of having lots of kids in blended families and tons of grandkids and so on...
she and all the young people who were friends with her and her son, went out to hear jazz, and groups like the Gypsy Kings...they went to see plays and they went to street fairs and to political events and lectures and art exhibits and beaches and picnics and so on. lots of good 'going-out'.

when I did meet up with them for events or holidays or at-homes or whatever, it was always good. really good conversation and always something new to learn...it took all my creative energy to attempt to keep up with them, much less make a truly unique remark or contribution to the event. But I sure tried! I liked to please Lee as a friend....

In the end all of we friends were not what she wanted. she wanted her son. her husband. she wanted life. she took life right to the end. took all the life she could. and then life took her.

Lee did not compromise. she did not pretend. her photos show how she truly viewed the world. those photos were wonderful for the thought in them. for their merciful and direct view of a difficult world. she found it beautiful.

She was an honest, creative, caring woman. perhaps that what was we held in common. not much more. creative. love of beauty. honesty.

That was enough.

Goodbye, Lee.

Good travels ahead.