WHERE WE LIE WHERE WE DO NOT: ANOTHER VIGNETTE ON THE TRUTH
I must admit that I am preoccupied by the Truth. I am not that sure I hear or perceive The Truth often during my days. Smiles hide much. Silence hides more. I think I hear lack-of-truth most often. This is the most difficult part of life for me, I believe...
All my life I've told stories. which, is very different than lying...I think....
Lying is one of three strategies, I believe: telling someone about something that never happened to cover for something that did. then,to prevent being caught doing or having done something you shouldn't have. Third, simply concealing that you did something. never mentioning it. keeping it hidden. so that you won't get into trouble for it.
Telling stories is remembering exactly the truth of what happened and telling it in a way that makes sure it is human and and real but really entertaining as well.
very, very different than lying.
Mainly, I like the effects of telling the truth. Here's what tends to happen when you tell the truth:
First, people are either happy that you told the truth or they are unhappy. there doesn't seem to be much reaction in between those two basic ones. you either gain their friendship and love and all or you lose it completely...
Second, they either completely believe you or they don't at all. in other words, they decide if you are lying or not. It doesn't matter that you are not lying. what matters is, if they believe you are lying or not. this decision will lead right back to decision number one, if my experience...
Third, no one believes that you always tell the truth, so they tend not to be sure whether you are or are not. it's assumed that all folks lie sometimes. In fact, if you insist that you have rarely lied in your life, people will assume that you've lied a whole lot more than that...
Fourth, telling the truth makes consequences move on much quicker. Break-ups in relationships happen faster. Decisions about Problems happen faster. Friends are lost or refound more thoroughly.
Fifth, you are likely to be poorer faster than other people are...from the divorce. or from the business transaction. or from the way the problem gets solved. whenever I'm sure that someone is a truth-teller as I attempt to be in life, I easily can see that they are as poor as I am. It's almost impossible to be as honest as possible and be rich at the same time. I'm not sure why. but, I am sure this observation is true...
Sixth, you tend to be a little less anxious than the folks who lie. but, you are on edge. because everything in life is happening differently than it is for every body else...and that's
Seven...you are different than every body else. not better. not at all. just different. it's kind of a lonely place to be. but exhilarating, very often, at the same time....
People, I find, especially expect me not to be honest in my creative life...they expect that I really do want to make money from my writing. or that I did wish I had made money during my singing years. or with in my work...the nursing and the teaching...
but all I really, really ever wanted was just the work itself...I have left jobs when I felt compromised or when I did not feel my honest best...my honest self...
I have not found comfort in money. all of my comfort in life has been from honest love. simply from honest love.
Whenever I've felt that I'm not completely 'there' in an honest way in a relationship of any kind, I've always tried to find the kind way to say so. I've lost people that way. but, I've lost them honestly. that has been very, very hard. still, not as hard as losing them with lies and avoidance and excuses.
in Japanese Sword Work this is called the Kindest Cut. the direct clean cut that takes out the 'enemy' as compassionately as possible...it's hard to learn. hard to do. very hard. it can take many years to learn how to do this cut compassionately...lies just tear at people slowly and raggedly....
When I was writing "The Book" with Arlene, no one believed that there wasn't incriminating material about themselves in the book. they expected a lack of honesty. a lack of compassion. it didn't matter how often I said I wasn't interested in money, when it came to the Book. that I was sure that I had kept the Book free of anger and hate and competition and dishonesty...of any one thing negative. I think so few have read it or responded to it because they believe it is a lie. But, it is as close to the actual tapes and videos and words of the people involved in it, as I could make it.
Without honesty. the "Book" would be nothing. but, it could be something, really. because, it is honest.
The loves I have in my life right this very time are my most honest ever. as I near my seventies years of age, I work hard to say the truth completely all of the time to those I love...to every one, really. I am no longer hiding parts of myself...my "first love", who is back in my life now, has seen to that...
he makes my very heart sing with honesty and grace...
Being honest is a grace all on its own. it's a blessing inside. one I give my self and others. I think my work for others is more compassionate when I am honest with them. people seem happier around me. or, they feel capable of not being with me, with less anxiety and discomfort.
there's that old saying...the truth shall make you free.
I think that it is each of us who make ourselves free, when we try to live our one and ever changing Truth with grace and compassion and joy, when there can be joy....
When we lie, we lose a little of our lives and our love each time.
When we do not lie, we build a world of life and love inside of us and for others.
I really do experience honesty as being that simple an equation in my life.
It can only add up to the good...difficult as it is to be honest,
it is more difficult for me to be dishonest now. because of the feeling of lack...lack of self...whenever I am even part of a lie...even some one else's.
still. lying is human. it is part of how we 'make it'. so, no judgement... none at all....
just...
happy. happy to be honest as I can be.
hoping to stay in that place of grace.
hoping it all brings
only good
into this sorrowing world....
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