THE MANTRA
I want to be clear, here. I have never had a Mantra. That means, I think, that I've never had sounds or phrases or a saying of some kind, that I could repeat over and over again to put myself into a state of Meditation. Or, to stay in a state of meditation. Or, to encourage deep breathing. or 'empty mind'. or sitting still, even. I don't have any flexibility in my spine and legs to sit in a meditation posture anyway. I am very envious of those legs that can fold so gracefully into the Lotus Position. People in Lotus look so calm and centered and all. Sometimes they look a little smug, I've noticed, but that my be the envy talkin'. I am not that enamored of 'empty mind'. I'm fond of the busy-ness in my mind. A lot of people really respect 'empty mind' tho, and I do not fault them. I am a great fan of deep, purposeful breathing. That kind of breathing has saved life and sanity for me many a time... Anyway, I never bought a Mantra.
Well, I don't remember anyone actually telling me they BOUGHT their Mantra. Their "personal" and very special Mantra had been GIVEN to them, by a Teacher who was blessed, or possibly even hired directly, for his/her ability to devise, or see, or 'channel' Mantras for the rest of us who might need or want one. These people had a special sort of gift and a source for these sounds and sayings, and a talent for passing on these Mantras in ritual effectively, so that the Mantra stuck! Still, most people I knew, especially back in the late 70s and early 80s seemed to have paid for this blessing, or at least for having the Mantra Person available to find and 'give' them their Mantra. This was my perception of the whole transaction anyway. I may be wrong here. Corrections will be humbly accepted. But, that's how it all looked to me at the time....
So, anyway, I don't have a Mantra.I suspect I'm going to go through life without one, but you never know...I did try to create one, once. It was the sound: Arie, pronounced like air-ee, like where eagles nest, or where they keep birds - a bird reservation...I would make the sound over and over until I relaxed, which was pretty soon. I'm a cat-napper, so it's easy for me to relax at once, on cue! Arie was a nice cue-sound. I did it a lot for awhile, in between singing I Am A Bubble, Make Me the Sea, by all-time-favorite relaxant song.
There are two times that this Mantra business came up socially in my life, tho, years apart, and then never again. Both involved guys who were genuine Spiritual Leaders for a lot of people at the time. They both still are. I'm not going to change their names, (although, actually, I can't even really remember one of the names, so just bear with me here...) One encounter happened in the 70s, as I recall, the other in the early 80s or late 70s. Some time around there. The first happened In Evanston, Illinois. The second, Oakland California. Both incidents were unsolicited and unintentional and, truly, completely unexpected. Also, I have to add, unexplained and uninterpreted then, and to this very day. Both have meanings only as STORIES. They were NOT Spiritual Awakenings or even like a little travel alarm going off in my psyche. They just happened, Coincidence?...I think SO!
The first remembrance is of a 'tea' or reception of some kind, that I recall being at my friend BB's apartment, but it may have been some other small reception site. I think she had been the main coordinator or facilitator or organizer, or one of them, anyway, of a Chicago Event featuring the well-known, (already) Baba Ram Dass. I suppose a lot of you know something about Ram Dass. You can look him up on the net. Interesting life. At the time, (early 70s?), he was very, very 'in', with his book, especially (Be Here Now). (a GOOD place to be, often, I may point out.) I knew my BB felt him to be a VERY important person for her to learn from, and that was enough for me. I attended the event, I assume, but I don't actually recall it, so maybe not...Anyway, this is just about my encounter with him at this reception.
People were milling all around this Guy, with a capital G! He looked very relaxed and a little shorter than I expected him to be (I have a 'thing' for shorter men - a good 'thing'.) People were coming up and telling him how important he was in their lives and listening to him carefully, ( for repetition later, of course, with other devotees). Everyone was very happy, it looked to me, to be there. I was happy too! And, the food was very good, always a plus. So, I went up to say my "Hi".
I can't recall what I did say, to tell you the truth. That's because, what HE said took over the whole scene for me. He listened nicely to my babble, and then he looked a little quizzically at me, tho smiling broadly, and he said back, "WELL, ANYWAY, YOUR MANTRA HASN'T CHANGED!". Then, still smiling, since my response had been effectively terminated before it even began, for heavens sake, he turned to the next person waiting to speak to him. I went back to whatever you do at receptions after you've had your one minute of fame. I can't remember actually FEELING, and certainly not THINKING anything! 'It', whatever 'it' was, had just happened. I let 'it' go. I did not check to see where 'it' had gone....
I feel compelled to remind you now, that I did not HAVE a Mantra. I did not intend to get one. He didn't give me one either. So what he said, was, well, naturally, a wee bit WEIRD. But, nothing to be said or done....
Years passed. I was living in California now, and was the Head Nurse of a Psychiatric Unit in a Catholic hospital. It was a good job, and, except for one or two crazy ladies, I had a very agreeable staff working for me. One of them was a newer young person on my PM shift, who was from India or somewhere in South Asia, or maybe just her family was. She was a Meditator at an Ashram in Oakland. I can't recall what it was called then, but it is still there. They've had a nice restaurant open to the public at times, on and off in their history, of good vegetarian food. Anyway, their Guru, their most important Teacher, who was the Head of the Ashram, was going to be having a Congregation meeting of sorts, that was going to be open to interested public. Food was going to be served. Children could also be there. Would I like to go with her to the Ashram for this event?
Now, this would be the time to tell you that I was drawn to such an event, because I finally 'got it' that I needed a more organized spiritual life. But, alas, that was not the draw. I was a single parent at the time. So, the children being allowed there, plus food, was a positive equation that could not be missed! Besides, I was curious, as I am, always, curious. So my three kids, all under age eight (so this must have still been the 70s...) and I went to the Ashram.
On a stage-like platform, in a very large room, sat a small, older Asian man, in, of course, the Lotus Position. Before him stretched row after row of well-behaved, cheerful, chatting devotees and their kids. Sometimes, whenever he talked at all, actually, they listened with great respect. Otherwise, he was just sitting quietly there, beaming at just everyone. He beamed at us when my staff person introduced us as guests. We joined a row. I went off pretty soon to the heavily filled tables. All the food looked and smelled delicious! I was going to fill the plates for the kids first.
When I came back to our row with two plates, none of my kids were there. A guy told me they were playing with his kids, off to the side. I craned my neck to see, but all I could spot where my two daughters. My little five year old scampering son was no where to be seen. I started calling, "Chris! Chris?" at the top of my lungs, which barely made a dint in the walls of noise around us. Leaving the plates on our mat, I went off to search for my "lost" boy.
I wasn't making much progress, until I suddenly heard a penetrating, although elderly, and in heavy South Asian accent, voice calling out, "WHOSE CHILD IS THIS? WHOSE CHILD IS THIS?" Looking rapidly towards the front of the room, I spotted my errant son, being held up in the arms of the Guru, as if he was a bit of fluff, instead of a pretty solid five year old. My son was smiling happily like it was all a big joke. Looking very serious, and, I hoped, contrite, I headed up to the podium to relieve this frail-appearing old guy of his child-burden.
All in white cotton, barefooted, sat this small old man, with my son dangling from his arms like a bag of feathers. He was still in Lotus Position, smiling happily at me. My son was smiling happily too, with a lollipop in his sticky mouth. I snatched him as politely as possible from the old gent, apologising all the time. When I paused for breath for a second, I looked at him, waiting for him to say something, I guess...
He listened nicely to my babble, and then he looked a little quizzically at me, tho smiling broadly, and he said back, "WELL, ANYWAY, YOUR MANTRA HASN'T CHANGED!"
OK, so YOU knew that was coming. But I, I DID NOT. I stood there, holding my child, looking at this obviously beloved and respected Teacher, and had not one more word to say. The rest of this event is, of course, lost in a fog of old memories that come and go...
And so, I do not have a Mantra. I have never had a Mantra. I don't expect some Angels In America-type angel to come crashing through my roof to give me one anytime soon. I certainly am not going to budget for one to buy, ever. So, one might ask - (I DO!) - why do these kinds of messages happen in one's life, or, more specifically, why did these two Spiritual Folks say the EXACT SAME LINE TO ME? In all the forty or so years since, I have told many, many people this story. Tho every one has reacted completely differently to it, not ONE has ever said, "O yeah, that happened to someone I know once!", or "Well, that happens all the time!", or, "So? that's the kind of thing those kind of guys say!", or anything reassuring like that. Nope. They just all...
listen nicely to my babble,
look a little quizzically at me, tho smiling broadly,
and say back....
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