WONDER FULL
There weren't many kids in our town who didn't know Brenda. She was a really unattractive little girl with stringly yellow hair and very bad teeth - from poverty - lots of freckles on very pale sort-of sickly white skin and she had a bad 'sway back' as they called scoliosis back then and it showed. But. Every body in town just 'loved' Brenda. because she was sweeter than any kid in the world. any world - not just the one we knew. and, even when somebody broke her thick glasses on purpose: well then, the whole town took up a collection to get her new ones. even the kid who broke them. cuz he felt bad after, of course.
Little girls like Brenda aren't always 'smart'. Brenda sure was though. she was very, very bright and was the Teacher's Pet as well. every teacher's favorite kid. she could do every single subject just perfect. plus, she would help other kids to get the material bein' taught and all. it bothered her if someone didn't get it. so she'd teach them how to get the material during recess and lunch time and all...or she'd ask questions that would help the teacher to teach more about the subject or would help with better explanations of problem-solving and so on. somehow it never felt like she was showing off or bein' superior or anything. she made you feel equal to her. it evened-out somehow: she was really ugly, but really smart. most of us were cute enough, but not as bright. evened-out.
Brenda's mom and dad were dirt poor. her dad never did a lick of work any one knew of. her mom took in laundry. they both drank. but, at home, not in bars. they didn't abuse Brenda. actually, they were in awe of Brenda, their own daughter. the ugly body and face and all they could relate to, and they may have hated her for that. but the being smart stuff meant that she was protected by the teachers and the principal and the assistant principal, too. so, they couldn't abuse her in any way. they didn't want her to go to live as a foster kid anywhere. they felt loyal enough to her for that. but it probably would have been better for her. several of the teachers asked if she could live with them...for her protection, and to get help to be really good at all her subjects so she could get scholarships and so on. but her parents said no, every time. Brenda loved her parents in a way. she knew there were problems tho. real problems. she sort-of wished she could live with one of the teachers too....
Brenda was my best friend. she really was. I knew she was, but I didn't brag about it. I was kind-of ashamed of it, in a way. cuz she was so really not good looking at all. the smartness saved her. but it didn't make her popular or cool or quite right. she knew it. I knew it.all the kids knew it. when I grew up I knew I'd just write a lot of stories about girls in small towns who aren't popular and are smart who somehow grow up and make a fortune and stuff, in spite of their bad parents and poverty and having been ugly little kids no one would normally make friends with. in fact, now that I'm grown, I do write stories like that.
So then, what happened to Brenda. Well, she didn't actually leave our little town. I did. I left right after high school. went to college five states away, which was as far as I could go on the money we had. I'd come home for the two weeks at Christmas and that was it. there was time to see everyone, even Brenda. we'd get together and act grownup around each other when really we were just kids. she was going to the college in town on a full scholarship. it was assumed for awhile that she'd transfer to a more hot-shot university. but she didn't. it was a full scholarship for all four years and that's what she did. right after, she got a job as a teacher in the elementary school in the third grade. it was a big surprise - that folks mentioned for years - that she never went on to grad school. she just taught that third grade for years and years and years.
She didn't date either. she went to church. she visited her parents every Sunday after church. she served on some civic boards on one thing or another. she kept a garden outside of the house she rented. she had a few friends she went to 'shows' with. and she never got beautiful. she stayed with the lank hair and poor complexion, and gawky frame of a body without complaint. nor with any effort to shine herself up - not for anyone. the placid look she developed softened her face, but that was it. her clothes were simple and plain. on vacations, she went traveling by herself to nice spots in near-by states. we all got used to all this over time. she seemed to be used to it as well.
Then Brenda got cancer. in the lungs. a lady who had never smoked. her parents had, though. all that second-hand smoke must have got to her over time. she didn't complain in any way. not to one soul. not even to her minister. she joined no support groups. she took her medicines and lost her weight and her hair without a fuss at all. then the Hospice people started coming to her house. The Substitute stayed on and took over her third grade class. she was twenty eight when she died at home. quietly and by herself. some cousins came after and had a Memorial for her. lots of us from town went. I came without my husband and the twins. I wanted to say goodbye by myself. there wasn't much to say. it was a wonder that she was gone. it meant something....but you know:
For the life of me, I am not sure what this one life meant. not at all...no. not at all...lives come and go and seem to have so much Purpose, at the time. Not Brenda's. She was a Good Teacher all her life tho. That's something. A Life is usually a wonderful thing to think about. to study about. Wonder full. I'll be lookin' for that inside my own self on the plane all the way home. Wonder full...Good bye, Brenda. Rest in some sort of Peace...Rest.
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