APPRENTICE is another musing...on my being an Apprentice in Living...that's all this is....

APPRENTICE

all my life I have been humbled by the talents of others...

I have stood in awe, true awe, before the paintings of the men and women of the fine arts in nine different countries...
my voice has been cowed into silence in the presence of the divas and singers of songs of every genre...
the craftsmanship of woods and stones into furnitures and homes, stairs and sculptures, has brought me to a standstill...
the tapestries, the rugs, the cloth of hundreds of weavers has made my fingers ache in longing...
the perfection of a garden of flowers in the hands of the best of gardeners has made me bow in high respect...
the turn of metal in a propeller blade, a sword forged in fire, a gate latch of smithed steel...I have no idea how such things come to life in the strong hands...
a twirl of thin, rainbowed glass at the end of a pipe, becoming a beauty of glass, has delighted me, the glassblower's concentration...
the perfect metaphor, the simple, fine-tuned phrase, the tug of heart in a well-crafted piece of writing...the true Writer's talent and skills...
the soaring and the weeping notes of every instrument well-played, well-mastered by the musician's life blood....
the wondrous turn and arch and line of each real dancer's body has burned into my every muscle....
a clean jump of a horse mastered and mastering the sleek horse person, has gripped my legs in thrall...
the soar of a fine dive and the perfect strokes of the masterly swimmer, have thrown me into water, mesmerized beyond hope...
the thrust of the paddle, the turn on the dime, the sweep of the canoe across the river's wake by the arms of the men and women who know how...
the arch of the rod as it flicks successfully into the current...accurate and full of life and beauty with the wrist and hands of the fisherman's grace...
incredible meals and dishes and delights...the cook who can warm and cool and produce magic on the table with food and drink....

what do I have to offer the world in the face of these creative souls and their boundless and perfection-bound creations?....

for I am nothing but an Apprentice.
Fame and fortune have not eluded me...I never had a ghost of a chance! never produced one really original, really brilliant. really wonderful piece of work....all decent. all OK...but never Good.
and, I know the difference between my work and 'Good' work...o yes, I do!

All I can do is keep learning. keep practicing...
never good at what I do...sometimes accurate...sometimes close to something real and true and good....
but, never quite up to the best. no, never even close...

what pleasure I've had in trying! how diligently I work all my creative energies into some bit of cohesion...
some beginning of inspiration....to very little outcome of note - very little....

All my life and no regrets....all I've tried to do, all I've taught and all I've learned, have brought so much pleasure and joy for me!
My dear hope, of course, is that I have brought some of that pleasure and joy to others....but, I am not even reasonably sure....

Lately, I've been looking at all I've done in life....
it's possible that the Human Touch has possibly been my best talent...that I was not meant to be so talented in any other area. Human Services...that is, literally taking care of other humans of all ages, has actually taken up most of my actual time on the planet.
It's been my daily work for pay. It has been my daily and nightly work for family and friends and neighbors and strangers....
Loving with my skills and hands and heart and daily actions has been my life.
and, I attempted to be as creative as I could be...in these acts
of Being In Touch....

The rest....well, as the old song goes: "...the Children grow...the Lovers sleep...the time that's left...is yours to keep...."

It may be that I am still only an Apprentice of Life itself...
that I am still learning to live with the Questions...that I am not meant to have any answers that make sense consistently...not for long, anyway....
to live in the present - to still have beginner's mind - to really be an apprentice...of love....life....

this may be my true creative calling: I am
a Learner...learning how to be...just to be

alive

to the many, many wonderful possibilities.....