NO REGRETS
Things this woman had done in her adult years that she did not regret ever.
nor feel guilty about.
nor experienced shame for.
and will never:
here
in no order that makes any sense what-so-ever
without priority or thought or sequence of meaning:
1) having slept with over twenty men. most all more than once. because she loved sex so much her whole adult life - thought she'd just get that one out of the way...sorry to 'shock'....
2) not remembering some of their names - but caring about them all very much -
3) being totally honest when the other person didn't want her to be - and when they did want her to be -
4) being totally honest when the other person thought she was going to say something different than what she said -
5) not regretting choices about being with someone for a long long time - giving her all to that -
6) not regretting choices about leaving someone finally - leaving with as much dignity and kindness as she could -
7) being sad and very happy about love - the poignancy of love - the response-ability of love - the joys of love -
8) being sad about loss of love with men partners - especially of her 'First Love' -
9) having run-away from home at age twenty to marry some one her parents were obviously not going to like at all -
10) having loved him for long enough to have three great kids - the best-loving most creative and intense and honest kids in the world - whose work and care of humanity and brilliant brains and hearts are a gift to the planet and to the human race - loving their spouses and being loved by them right back -
11) having loved him for long enough to get close to three great step-kids - who are also wonderful folks in this world...for all the step-kids and their families she got to love through her marriages and relationships -
12) not having more than enough money all of her life - by choice and honesty of profession -
13) always having just enough money and very good jobs - one after another - all her life -
14) sometimes having a little more than enough money and wonderful jobs more often then most have in a lifetime -
15) spending any extra amount of money and time on great trips and family and stuff -
16) not worrying about money very much at all - not having many horrible debts in life -
17) not worrying about how much she owns - giving away stuff whenever she could - sometimes giving away the whole 'store' -
18) having served her fellow humans as an RN the best she could - especially the 'Psychiatric' patients and those in 'Home Care' -
19) having served young people the best she could as a teacher - especially the Health and Women's Lit and Contemporary Issues and the Geography classes and the Chorus and the Hikers and the Drama Productions -and the Compositions...the wonderful writers and artists still develping as kids -
20) for attempting to tell the truth in her writing craft - in her short stories - poetry - non-fiction work -
21) for not wanting anybody to proof-read her work and change one word -
22) for not caring if she's ever published just as long as she can write any way she wants - for having lots of people loving her stories and poems - being glad about that -
23) for having been married four times so far - and having two long-term live-in relationships besides - for having loved all six of those men very intensely and well as she could - for all the sex and the really good times for many many years with them - for all the love and attention and care they gave her -
24) for not being ashamed that three of those were divorces because she really couldn't live with them any more for her own reasons - for them accepting that as graciously as they all did -
25) for still being very sad and pretty private about how one of those marriages ended in a widowhood - not to be discussed with many -
26) for having never told one single secret that any one told her to keep quiet -
27) for having unwittingly told things that people assumed she would be private about -
28) for having been the trusted confidant of hundreds of people with no betrayal -
29) having left the Catholic Church at age nineteen - because it doesn't fit her adult values and life -
30) having much loved the Catholic Church rituals - especially the singing and the incense - for nineteen years -
31) for having found the best step-father ever for her children - for him still being in the family with his family -
32) for having so many completely diverse men and women friends who she adored and adores - and who loved/love her right back -
33) for letting people go when they needed to be let go - for mourning death and loss -
34) for letting people stay when they needed to stay - for giving all she could -
35) for letting people go when that was the honest thing to do - for holding on when it was the honest thing to do - with all the hundreds of wonderful lovers and friends and family given to her life -
36) for being able to sing all day and not caring if no one liked the singing or wanted to hear it - and in harmony - and the solos - the choruses - the Irish Groups - the Alpine Groups - the Folk Groups - the accompanists - all the wonderous singers around her -
37) wanting to play musical instruments and being equally horrible at every one attempted - for having great pianos -
38) wanting to ride horses and going far enough into it to jump a horse over a small fence a few times -
39) being a good endurance swimmer with really weird strokes all of her life - especially cold clear waters and wonderful rivers --
40) loving all rivers. period - and Canoes - and rocks - lots of rocks -
41) loving the ocean. period - and shells - lots of shells -
42) loving hills and mountains more than flat lands - for skis and snows - and sleds and ice skates -
43) hating hot, humid places with a passion - except Kawaii's Nepali Coast -and Hawaii's volcanoes -
44) loving the desert but never wanting to live there - loving all cacti - the colors of desert -
45) loving her father with all her daughterly heart - being 'just like your father' -
46) loving her mother as a duty - for adoring her mother until age thirteen -
47) enjoying most music indiscriminately - movies and TV too - and theater - and shows - for puttin on shows for others to perform -
48) loving most foods and drinks even though most of them could even make her really sick - especially Indian and Mexican foods - loving 'going out to eat' -
49) having had so many illnesses and physical problems that she can feel compassion for others - for always having the 'cure' handed to her -
50) feeling compassion for others even if she's irritated or mad at them - or they are irritated or mad at her -
51) adoring her children and grandchildren and great-grand kids and step grand-kids all all the children in her life with the same huge intensity most of the time -
52) for insisting on living life the way she wants to even if people get upset -
53) for being bright enough to live and think 'outside-of-the-box' as much as she can - for every creative urge she wanted to try - even sailing and hand gliding -
54) for wanting to and making 'leaps of faith' into the future as much as she can - whether any one approves or not - for them all turning out so incredibly 'well' -
55) not being private about her own life even when people get mad about that -
56) being able to take care of herself even when she's being mugged -
57) having lived a long good life so far in spite of lots of chances to die -
58) having really good luck most of her life - especially with good friends of all ages and walks of life -
59) being able to canoe well enough to love doing it for hour after hour without tiring much at all - rivers - did she mention rivers - and lakes too - lots of lakes - Canoes: love canoe-ing the way one loves a person -
60) for having learned a lot about Native American and Mexican American peoples over lots of years of kind contacts with dozens of people from these cultures and lots of other cultures besides -
61) for having survived every bad thing that ever happened to her with style and grace and amazingly good fortune -
62) having been able to dance and dance just as much as she wanted any genre of dance she wanted for as long as she wanted -
63) for having had amazing contacts with weavers and weaving and photos and photography for years and year - and fishing - wonderful spin-fishing for years -
64) for getting to become a good cook and yet have lots of years where others cooked for her - for having learned to preserve so many foods and drinks -
65) for having traveled all over the USA and parts of Canada and Mexico and through seven countries in Europe with very good luck as a traveler -
66) for loving art and having kids and grand kids who are artists - and having had a lot of times enjoying doing arts and crafts herself -
67) having old people as best friends and mentors all of her days - all of who were wonderful and crusty and wise - for having learned how to be a mentor for young people - having them seek her out for that for years and years -
68) for learning woodworking for over twenty years from a master who was her best friend - for making over two hundred pieces of furniture and stuff in his beautiful 40s wood-working shop by the stream -
69) for never ever having anything but absolutely great vacations every single year of her life - every single vacation -
70) for never having a day that she didn't find something beautiful in to hear or see or feel or taste or smell - every single day of her life -
71) for never having a day where she didn't have an ache or pain bad enough that she didn't get it about that all life is suffering and therefore enter joyfully into it -
72) for having the three best sisters in the whole world -
73) for having had several women friends who were exactly like sisters - really good sisters - and one of them her whole adult life - closer than a sister -
74) for having had men who were exactly like brothers for all of her life - who are still loyal to her and love her -
75) for loving reading and being very, very good at reading just about everything - especially poetry - for being a published poet -
76) being bad at math and not caring too much about that either - for not much needing math either -
77) for loving geography and folklore and history and lots of sciences -
78) for having had great teachers always - in every single school right up through all the good colleges she got to graduate from and attend -
79) having little but song and poetry in her head much of the day - thinking in song lyrics all day long - humming - always humming -
80) for great dreams almost every night of her life - hardly ever a nightmare -
81) being able to go to sleep at once and sleep heavy and well - for spooning with a loved man at this age in life -
82) for being intelligent enough without getting caught up in how smart she is -
83) for accidentally being able to appreciate almost every one just exactly as they are without wanting to change them all the time -
84) for not being able to hold a grudge for over a few minutes -
85) for not being able to be judgemental for more than a few minutes-
86) for rarely being angry at anyone - for letting it rip and roar when she has to -
87) for using anger usefully when it happens for her - for teaching some lesson that way -
88) for not being jealous or envious of people for any reason -
89) for being able to appreciate or understand all the sides to any story -
90) for being very patient with people by accident of personality -
91) for being able to be with people in great sorrow or pain and help by just being there - for listening pretty well -
92) having been present to assist at ten births - all living -
93) having been present at ten death beds - all peaceful -
94) having had time to say the right goodbye for most who died in her life -
95) for not having to have lived or been close to anyone who directly had to or did kill another person -
96) for having had times to be close to lots of wild and tame animals and birds and fish and insects who were all benign and beautiful in their own ways -
97) never worrying too much about how she 'looked' or 'looks' or her appearance much at all - looking pretty good most of her life - for being every size known to woman -
98) loving good jokes and funny times and getting to laugh a lot -
99) for believing in this good present and the possibly good future most times -
100) being a scuba diver for twenty-some dives and getting to visit under the ocean with all it's life - thirty-four times -
101) for having had the greatest childhood ever - being loved that much -
102) for having survived her teenage years well enough - being loved that much -
103) for years of gardening and farming and loving the soil and the rain - having been taught by master gardeners and farmers - for the flowers - the corn- the tomatoes all ruby in the sunset on the windowsill -
104) for having the best of 'First Loves' and getting him back again late in life to love fully again -
(105) for singer/songwriters/performers creating Songs for dozens of her Lyrics and performing them with joy, for us all -
(106) for Open Mics and Gigs with her True Love and Friends so often to such gracious responses -
(107) for all the old Ships she's seen and been aboard on bays and oceans and lakes -
(108) for winter skis and snowshoes and snow and sleds and beauty that never was too harsh -
(109) for Music every second of her life in her head and heart and thoughts and feelings -
(110) for all the tears. all the wonderful tears...all the smiles. all the wonderful smiles...all the years, all the wonderful years....
THE END OF THE BEGINNING...and for every thing she forgot to say, but truly wanted to say about this great, great, great Life of hers: thankful...thankful...thank-full....
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