THE QUALITY OF 'THE TRUTH'
When I was young, I got into trouble for lying...a lot....
I made-up stories to defend myself when I was scared...I made up stories to have people like me more...I made up stories because I was a daydreamer and the real world was scary and sometimes unhappy and often not that interesting to me...I felt very trapped by the real world...wasn't really that happy with it....not at home...not at school...not anywhere...ever, really...yet, often - very often, really - I was a very happy child...pleased with much of the world I lived in, and very much loved....
My lies were all elaborate stories...they went on way, way too long...so everybody could figure out eventually what was going on...especially the adults...some thought I was cute...some, that I was creative...others, that I wasn't a very good young person, because of being a kid who told lies....
Somewhere along the line, I found that the truth was really more interesting, a lot of the time.... and...when I told the truth right away, problems got solved faster...not better, necessarily, but surely faster...and a lot of times, I avoided all the drama that goes on when people find out that they're being lied to - or that they were lied to...people who were going to leave anyway, just left faster...people who were going to stay solved stuff faster with me....
I found that I could still get really hurt...that I could really hurt others...but the hurt of the truth was kinder than the hurt of the lies...it was cleaner...you could pull the ends together and they would heal: there wouldn't be the jagged, ragged, infected edges of the wounds to have to fester and to heal painfully...it was as good a thing as a wound could be....given that wounding helps, at times...
I don't think I've ever convinced one other person that the Truth is entirely the way to go....most of the people I know don't even find this quality in me very attractive...I've been told it's just a cover for attempting to get away from the stuff I do, so that people can't get as mad at me for the stuff I do that they don't like....because I'm covering it all up by "being honest about it to everybody"...well, that may be true, besides...people want me to feel as bad as they do when I hurt them...If I don't, they feel cheated of their revenge.....this is very understandable.....but I can't change this. not at all. telling the truth is what I do now...it's just not always the answer to any question asked....it's one of the answers...but not the only one......
Right now, I've finished watching someone I care about with all my heart...tearing apart someone he knows very well...by obscuring the truth.....she is feeling very confused and very upset...because she doesn't have the truth to deal with....he's been ripping at her...and ripping at me - when all he means is: to be kind: with his inability to be truthful to her....he is being truthful with me....for the first time in his life: completely truthful to a woman...but he can't carry it forward to her....I won't make up the reasons why, because I wouldn't understand them anyway....
all I can see is what years of lying to others - and to your own self, in the long term...can do....I can see that in his life....it is more than just a tangled web - like in the saying "...what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive...."....it's Lives: real people's lives, that get tangled - very tangled....and everybody trips and falls and gets hurt in all the webs of deception...including the one who is lying...who is under the pressure of his (or her) own making: falling into all the pain and anxiety worse than any of the victims of the lies....
It is all a terrible, terrible, terrible thing...watching it happening is one of the worst things ever.....not being able to do anything about it all is terrible as well: and, of course, stopping someone from lying is not something anyone can do....and reacting to the lie is not something anyone can stop doing either....so, lying is just as bad as truth-telling in this way of looking at things...you can really get into a Lot of trouble, a whole lot of trouble, either way....it's just a choice really: which way to you want to get into trouble...by telling the truth or by telling the lie?
In the short run. lies sometimes seem to work...in the long run, they never do...they are always found out. it is just a matter of time...a short time...or a life time...it doesn't matter: the truth will out"...and somehow....
every one involved actually knew that it was a lie, some how...all along.....and now, they also feel that they were not smart, or were fools, or dumb, or not aware, or - worse, still - unworthy...somehow...of the truth - that they were not worth enough to tell the truth to...it's not really what happened, but it sure feels that way - to many people - when they have been lied to....
I think that is enough about the truth. about lying....
both are devastating at times...
both can feel protective and even beautiful at times....
both can hurt, and wound, and even kill...
both can bring love and light to others....
but only one can bring redemption.
of your own self.
of My own Self...
this is what I've experienced....
the biggest reason between a lie and the truth:
is what The Truth does Inside for the person telling it:
what is builds inside...instead of destroying....
the sense of self un-compromising the self...
being honest to the self...
so that the self is not twisted
but grows: healthier, and sometimes, even correct...intact....
perhaps the word Integrity
means it best:
Being Whole
Because the Truth has the quality
of real Wholeness - of Integrity -
of Being....
it carries, always, a glint of deathlessness.
the Truth can always survive...
the Lie brings death....
I carry. I will carry...I will speak
The Truth
to my dying day.....
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